JLR claims to be the 'Weird Science of Violence' in poetic exposé of federal prison abuses
Monday, August 16, 2010
Back with the latest on heroic hacker, wordsmith, and human algorithm, the incarcerated Jonathan Lee Riches ©. He wrote to tell us about the abuses of power, sex, and drugs in the Residential Drug Abuse Program, RDAP, at the Federal Medical Center in Lexington, Kentucky, where he sits in solitary, awaiting his impending transfer to another federal prison to serve the remainder of his 125-month sentence1 for plea bargaining to a charge of wire fraud in 2003. Jonathan, in case you forgot, has filed more lawsuits than anyone else in history, all from behind bars.
Now, it’s really none of our business who’s fucking and/or sucking who at FMC Lexington, but we don’t take alleged abuse in the federal prison system lightly, especially when someone from the Trumbull camp is on the receiving end. Furthermore, we told Jonathan we’d publish anything he sent us. He has spent the last four or so years pushing the boundaries of the dry, prosaic legalese commonly found in lawsuits in order to fully articulate the injustice that has befallen him and his various co-plaintiffs, drawing from pop culture, sports, hip-hop and the news in general. So it comes as no surprise that Jonathan has written a poem to supplement his “PSA” in which he calls out members of the RDAP staff by name in rhyming couplets. If you ask us, it’s just begging for a beat.
Jonathan would like to urge his fans and concerned parties to get in touch about how to help his cause. You can do this by contacting him personally at the address found below, or by emailing us at Trumbullmag@gmail.com.
The poem:
THE RDAP STAFF, I LAUGH AT
They are crap
Dr. Kristen Hungness
Listen
You don’t run this
I run this shit
Dr. Hungness, I sued her
She looks like, Freddy Krueger
(Continued)
Chance Vegas meeting in 2002 affected each, according to Riches
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Trumbull Island has discovered that one of the hottest jams of 2008-2009, Lady GaGa’s “Poker Face,” has quite an interesting story in its provenance. It seems that our friend Jonathan Lee Riches © had a hand in the penning of this number one hit. In a lawsuit dated March 29, 2010, Jonathan unfurls an account of how GaGa, “star struck” upon recognizing Jonathan at the MGM Grand in July 2002, took action against him after giving her the idea for her second big single:
Stefani Germanotta sat next to me and asked “Excuse me, are those Bugle Boy jeans your [sic] wearing.” …I said “Look lady, can’t you see I got a poker face, I’m trying to concentrate.” She then said “Poker face, I’m going to use that in a song of mine one day.”
Continue reading for the entire text of the suit, as well as the original PDF.
(Continued)
By Jonathan Lee Riches
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Jonathan Lee Riches has been furiously writing us for the last two months. We have a stockpile of his letters and lawsuits that will be posted here soon. For now, check out his latest note.
6-15-10
Trumbull,
This is Jonathan Lee Riches ©, my ramblings to you are under duress. I’m being experimented on with psychological warfare. I’m writing from solitary confinement, it’s called the special housing unit, SHU at the Federal Medical Center in Lexington Kentucky, FMC Lexington.
(Continued)
'Johnny Sue-nami' pukes up oil-tainted tuna fish, sues
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
It’s about time Trumbull weighed in on this BP mess in the Gulf of Mexico. However, our oil interests have called our objectivity into question. So, we’re going to pass the mic to our friend IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT
DISTRICT OF COLORADO
Case No: 1:2010cv01123
Jonathan Lee Riches d/b/a
Bernard L. Madoff a/k/a
Umar Farouk ABdulmutallab,
Plaintiff
v.
Deepwater Horizon Rig a/k/a Transocean Ltd d/b/a BP PLC; HalliBurton Co.; Royal Dutch Shell PLC; Total SA; American Petroleum Institute; Tony Hayward; Gulf of Mexico; Gulf Islands National Seashore; Lake Pontchartrain; Chandeleur Sound; Mobile Bay; Breton National Wildlife refuge; Plaquemines Parish; Mississippi Delta; Gulfport Mississippi Police Department; Bon Secour National Wildlife refuge;
Defendants
(Continued)
Jonathan Lee Riches, From Prison
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Jonathan Lee Riches is a federal prisoner nearing the end of a sentence for wire fraud in a medical facility in Kentucky. Along with a nod from Guinness as the world’s most litigious man, he is in possession of what we call a beautiful mind. In his fourth letter to us, Riches begins to open up about his life and quotes Method Man.
Nov 1, 2009
Owen,
Responding back.
Again, sorry this is unorganized. My attention is focused in this Drug Program. I had to write a one page report on why I had expired Honey Buns in my locker from 2006. I tried to explain that I hoard food, because you never know if we will get a nuclear attack and rationing food would be survival. I saw the movie “Empire of the Sun,” and the boy was in search of food in his home.
I remember the Nintendo game Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! If you want the code to get to fight Mike Tyson it’s 007 373 5963. I also remember my ninth grade locker combination: 16-31-6. So if you need something just let me know.
(Continued)
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Our friend Jonathan Lee Riches gets personal about pranks, hacking, and his mania.
10-18-09
Mr. Owen,
Hello, responding back.
I got a lot of thoughts running through the head that I have to produce on paper. I’m writing on top of a Wired Magazine. This pen is made by Bic, and this is Government typing paper.
When I think of your name, two thoughts come to mind. Owen Wilson & Conrad Black. Mr Zazi just got sued, “Riches v. Zazi.” I’ve sued Conrad Black, “Riches v. Black.” I have visions of people watching a Bronx Yankees playoff game (Oct 2012), when a streaker jumps the stands without a shirt, with marker on his back, “JonathanLeeRiches.com,“ running to Derek Jeter to serve him legal papers.
I did have a dog, a 1.5 lb Pomoranian [sic] named Chops. I bought a home, fully paid for in 2001 with stolen credit card & identity theft money in Holiday, Florida, with my [girlfriend] at the time Stefanie [full name withheld]. CNN did a program on me called CNN presents: “How to Rob a Bank,” this can be viewed online, as it shows everything about my story, houses, cars, boats, etc.
Mr. Owen, I love to run. This is equally important to me with the lawsuits. If I miss a day, I go nuts. Let me re-say this, if I miss 1 out of the 3 runs I do daily, 1 hr each shot, (3 runs = 3 hrs) then I go nuts! Call it obsessive compulsive behavior, I call it driven borderline crazy.
(Continued)
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Jonathan Lee Riches checks in with Trumbull again.
Owen,
Responding back. I’m at a medical facility for 2 reasons.
(1) I’m participating in the Bureau of Prisons RDAP drug program, [which] if I complete by next Spring, then I’m eligible to get a year off my sentence. That means by this time next year I will be home.
(2) Before I got here, I was at FCI Williamsburg1 in solitary confinement (SHU2) 24-hour lockdown for 8 months. This was because I was [such] a burden on prison staff because of [my] filing lawsuits, which brought media & people’s attention, calling the prison, etc. It didn’t thwart me, as I continued to file suits while in lockdown, also going on a hunger strike. I lost a lot of weight Owen. Skinny like Mary-Kate Olson [sic]. I’m 5 ft 10 inches, and went to 105 lbs, so they sent me here to get medical treatment/psych treatment.
(Continued)
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
*
Jonathan Lee Riches is a famous man. But he is on a very short list of men who became famous while imprisoned. At the top, I’d say. Jonathan is currently at a federal medical center in Kentucky, serving the remainder of his 125-month sentence for a charge of wire fraud. Why is he famous? Jonathan claims to have filed over 4,000 lawsuits worldwide. He said this in, of all things, a case against the Guinness Book of World Records, who he sued in response to their intentions of glamorizing and falsely representing his achievements as a record-setting plaintiff.1 I really don’t know how many suits he has filed — Justia.com2 coughs up 1,993. He once sued Bruce Willis for causing the deterioration of his teeth while in prison. I sympathize with anyone who stresses about their teeth. I myself suffer from recurring, abrasive, teeth-destroying nightmares. I’m going to set aside my appreciation for Mr. Willis — it would be challenging to think of names and entities within the collective awareness to which Riches hasn’t devoted an hour or more of carefully phrased handwriting in his cell — and get to appreciating Jonathan. As an admirer of his…style, I decided to reach out. The following is his response to my first letter:
(Continued)
