Below are the first of many lists breaking down the best stuff from this year and the decade. Ten years, during which we were blessed with an Uppercut reunion, the demystification of skinheads, the growth and shucking of ponytails, hamburgers with five burgers on them, and a couple of Gauze LPs. The below lists are from our friends who have written for the site this year. If we didn’t already thank them privately, or with taco-grams, we’d like to, here, profusely. Thanks for writing, and thanks for writing these lists. If it wasn’t for you all, our readers/reprobates would probably be reading something about baseball right now. Or the Clippers. Or Uppercut. Anyways, hope you (readers) like the lists! Stay tuned this week for many more, including one from Ian Larrabee. Thanks for reading! And Happy New Year!
Pat Jodoin
Pat is some of the brains behind Ottawa-based Flight Distance, and has reviewed rap records on the site. He spends his free time collecting Jordans and listening to Neil Young, both with equal vigor. Pat watches a lot of movies:
“This is a list of my favourite movies of the past decade. Top 10 lists are obviously subjective, so to save myself some debate & hate-mail, these are my favourite (note: I’m Canadian!) films from the past decade, not the best. In fact, I guarantee once it’s published, my list will have changed 10 times over. Honourable mention goes to the many, many great jerk comedies this past decade — which would need no explanation: ‘Step Brothers’, ‘Anchorman’, ‘The 40 Year Old Virgin.’”
10. “The Devil and Daniel Johnston” (2005)
The life story of troubled bi-polar singer/songwriter Daniel Johnston, told chronologically by splicing home-made archival audio/video with “classic” documentary footage. This movie is so interesting because Daniel himself is so interesting. “The Devil and Daniel Johnston” is sincere, funny, exciting, sad, and enormously entertaining.
9. “Sexy Beast” (2000)
The great Ben Kingsley destroys the screen as a hyper-aggressive gangster visiting his retired partner in crime to insist they take on a new job. The viewer is filled with adrenaline when witnessing the menacing madman’s outbursts and genuinely fears for the lovable ex-thug (played by Ray Winstone). Sexy Beast’s strength comes from its excellent cast, clever metaphors, and interesting plot. A pretty simple formula for success.
8. “Little Children” (2006)
A student of Kubrick, Todd Field, who played Nick Nightingale in his mentor’s “Eyes Wide Shut,” and was the voice of Ol’ Drippy in the first season of “Aqua Teen Hunger Force,” directed “Little Children” as his second film. (Field has only directed two features, both of which were nominated for the Best Picture Oscar. “In The Bedroom,” from 2001, is the first.) “Little Children” is narrated by a mysteriously-removed, yet poetically-sympathetic voice. The narrator tells an unsettling story of adultery, a sex-offender, and an ex-cop in a young suburban family setting. There’s something I can’t quite put my finger on — about this film, it’s oddly chilling, very intimate and slightly disturbing. It’s also perfectly paced, surprisingly grandiose and sometimes funny. Field has a great knack for capturing indecision, uncertainty and the temporary.
7. “The Dark Knight” (2008)
It’s a work of art that hits every target, ’nuff said.
6. “The Royal Tenenbaums” (2001)
This movie is an explosion of style, and the viewer becomes really absorbs into the exaggerated set and its eccentric inhabitants. This film indicated Wes Anderson’s filmmaking trajectory, but his later works didn’t quite recapture “Tenenbaums”‘ balance of comedy, style, and melancholy, found here in abundance. Gene Hackman delivers one of the funniest performances of the decade. “Royal Tenenbaums“ sort of reminds me of my own old man’s disposition (minus Royal’s neglect, failure, etc. — just the disposition), so extra points on account of that.
5. “Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai” (1999, released in 2000… It counts!)
This is as close as we’ll get to a contemporary Wu-Tang Clan movie proper.1 The whole soundtrack is comprised of lesser known Wu affiliates whose songs are constantly being blasted out of Ghost Dog’s makeshift stereo. The music and the all-around vibe are this film’s major selling-points. The Dog’s best friend is a francophone, Haitian ice cream vendor but the two characters’ dialogue (in which they can’t actually understand one another) is grin-inducing and may be the best from among this list.
4. “No Country For Old Men” (2007)
The Coen brothers owned the ’90s, from “Miller’s Crossing” to “Fargo” to “The Big Lebowski” (arguably the funniest movie of our generation). Their main standouts this decade were the two films they adapted from literary works, “O’ Brother, Where Art Thou?” based on Homer’s Oddyssey, and “No Country For Old Men,” based on the novel of the same name by Cormac McCarthy. While I haven’t read the novel, I’ve read a couple of McCarthy’s other books, notably Blood Meridian. I can fairly say that the Coens captured McCarthy’s bleak narrative and vivid violence. The film featured no score, which added to the realism and intensity; I didn’t even notice that it had no score until a friend mentioned it to me afterwards. Javier Bardem plays the single best, most terrifying movie villain I can think of to date, Anton Chigurh. What makes him so terrifying and evil, aside from his creative and devastating murder methods, is that he leaves his decisions to chance.
3. “There Will Be Blood” (2007)
Paul Thomas Anderson’s “There Will Be Blood” may sit constantly in the shadow of the aforementioned “No Country For Old Men.” Both films were nominated for Best Picture, with the latter the winner, both are Westerns, and both are unflinchingly cold, bloody, masterpieces. I give the edge to “TWBB” because of Daniel Day-Lewis’ ruthless oil man, Daniel Plainview. This character stayed with me for weeks, every single word he utters, every facial expression, every action — is mesmerizing. The film is rich in its commentary (even if it is a little transparent — money-hungry oilman turns more and more callous), and it is visually arresting and terribly engaging. The final act has probably been quoted and parodied more than any other film on this list. Lastly, Radiohead’s Jonny Greenwood’s heavy-handed score is simply awesome. Compared to the lack of score in the Coens film, Greenwood’s imposing musical back-drop wins out.
2. “Dogville” (2003)
A three-hour film shot entirely in a warehouse with minimalist set design starring Nicole Kidman takes number two on my list? For real. Lars Von Trier’s “Dogville” is the most disturbing film I’ve seen in ages. It’s set in the 1930s in an American mining town with an ambiguously alternate history. Gunshots are heard in the distance, and a mysterious young woman wanders into town, seeking sanctuary, though the town doesn’t have much to offer. That’s synopsis enough. While “Dogville” is very much an acquired taste, this severely cynical microcosm of society, and the grim look at human nature is worth watching for both entertainment and philosophical pondering.
1. “Fubar” (2002)
“Fubar” is a hilarious Canadian mockumentary about two twenty-something headbangers whose lives take an unexpected turn. On the surface it’s a laugh-riot of quotable lines and memorable scenes, underneath it’s an endearing look at a couple of best friends (that I wish were real).
Kenneth White
Kenneth is a graduate student in art history at Stanford, and a visual artist and art instructor. He reviewed the Lady Gaga video earlier in the year. Kenneth watches a lot of movies. Well, he might not call them that, and indeed, they might not be that, but he does:
“This is a list of works of cinema produced in our post-cinema environment. Each is defined by a relationship to the American motion picture industry. They propose compelling modes of production responsive in form and content to the end of cinema (defined as a fixed seated position in a dark public theater). Most works here remain bound by the formality of 35mm theatrical distribution. However, each exhibits new methods of mass entertainment production following the elimination of photochemical photography. Each reckons with the coupling of film history with the supposedly total divulgence of digital video. In the fullness of each works’ possibility are technological and conceptual hypotheses for dismantling the dominant systems of cultural valuation upon which they currently depend. This is a selection of provocative digital-based productions that engage the institutions of photochemical media. These works are indicative of the cinematic form in transition from fixed projection to multi-platform experience, often for the promise of more lucrative capital returns. Some directors embrace the promise of enormous monetary wealth through cheaper technology. Others invest in the decentralization of high-definition image production to assert alternative narrative systems and histories. All deliver the most intriguing examples of moving image mass entertainment in the process of its re-imagination.
The works on my list display how to engage conventional cinema at the end of cinema. New methods of distribution and production are reorganizing the conventions of studio system cinema. As media increasingly commingle on computer screens, phones, and televisions, and 35mm becomes an expensive formality, these directors produce the most compelling examples of North American cultural artifacts. Their technical devices are in dialogue with their institutional narrative agendas. In ‘Inland Empire’ (distributed on 35mm film), the lens of David Lynch’s PD150 video camera bounces in and out of focus in the director’s long-takes in near-total darkness. In Michael Mann’s ‘Public Enemies,’ we watch — in RED digital image capture — Johnny Depp as John Dillinger watch ‘Manhattan Melodrama.’ Pierre Huyghe, Douglas Gordon, and Omer Fast, working in the cinematic video art market, challenge narrative conventions established by the American studio system. Al Pacino dictates historical construction. Gordon imagines Zenadine Zidane as a network force analogous to the artist’s digital technologies. Iraq is a site of devastating performances and imagined reenactments.
We are in Marshall McLuhan’s Bonanza-land. Film dictates the use of video. Video is still obliged to carry the conventions of film. These directors use digital technologies to produce remakes, genre revisions, and period hybrids. The end of cinema appears as Dillinger (‘Public Enemies’), 1970s-set thrillers (Richard Kelly’s ‘The Box” and David Fincher’s ‘Zodiac’), a reflexive psychodrama (Lynch’s ‘Inland Empire’), a network television show adaptation (Mann’s ‘Miami Vice’), or a Che Guevara biopic (Steven Soderbergh’s ‘Che’). These directors look to Bonanza-land in their content to make viable objects for the mass market. There is plenty of room for Alex Proyas’s religiosity and Michael Bay’s spectacular exploitation. The only difference between Bay’s ‘Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen’ and his commercial ‘Victoria’s Secret: A Thousand Fantasies’ is in capital returns on the studio investment and product placement. As usual, the old media is the content of the new media.
These directors exemplify how to negotiate a conservative mass market while revising the course of their institutions. They deliver interstitial works between cinema as theatrical projection and its afterlife in multi-channel digital production. This is a list of transition works that assert established conventions through new technologies. The diffusion of display surfaces and increasing image and audio capture fidelity is determining new modes of moving image production. The proclamation, ‘Now Playing Everywhere and Everyway,’ attached to ‘Avatar’ complements the ubiquity of DVD media and streaming access systems. Increasingly assertive management and control will be exhibited as content is exchanged between multiple platforms. Indeed, as the tag line of ‘The Girlfriend Experience’ encourages, see these works “with someone you ****.” For now, studio system master narratives and monetization hold on. This is cinema produced in our post-cinema environment.”
“See it with someone you ****”: Works of Cinema in our Post-Cinema Environment
Michael Bay, “Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen” (2009)
Michael Bay, “Victoria’s Secret: A Thousand Fantasies” (2009)
James Cameron, “Avatar” (2009)
Omer Fast, “The Casting” (2007)
David Fincher, “Zodiac” (2007)
David Fincher, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (2008)
Douglas Gordon, “Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait” (2006)
Pierre Huyghe, “The Third Memory” (2000)
Richard Kelly, “Southland Tales” (2006)
Richard Kelly, “The Box” (2009)
Francis Lawrence, “Bad Romance,” music video for Lady GaGa (2009)
David Lynch, “Inland Empire” (2006)
Michael Mann, “Miami Vice” (2006)
Michael Mann, “Public Enemies” (2009)
Alex Proyas, “Knowing” (2009)
Steven Soderbergh, “Che” (2008)
Steven Soderbergh, “The Girlfriend Experience” (2009)
Andrew Stanton, “WALL•E” (2008)
Andy Wachowski and Lana Wachowski, “Speed Racer” (2008)
Jarrod Shanahan
Jarrod is from Weymouth, Mass. He currently lives in Jersey City. His zine is done, and available for order. If you email him, he will send you a PDF. The zine features art from Pearse.
Jarrod reviewed the New Lows EP, a bystander to the carnage wrought by band members. He wears a mean Fred Perry, and is always clutching something when I see him. Respectively:
Jarrod Shanahan’s Top 10 Most Brutal Tunes of the Decade
Jarrod’s Top 10 Theories Why 2009 was a Loveless Year for Him:
10. Mind Eraser — “Juggling Anxieties”
9. Mind Eraser — “Time Served (And What You Leave Behind)”
8. Mind Eraser — “Deviant Sadistic”
7. Mind Eraser — “Shutting Down”
6. Mind Eraser — “Write Off”
5. Mind Eraser — “Yesman”
4. Mind Eraser — “Schitzophrenic”
3. Mind Eraser — “Full Spectrum Dominance”
2. Mind Eraser — “Equation”
1. Mind Eraser — ”Coping Methods/Manhood/Abuse Excuse”
10. Romantic date spots such as: “Quiet Study Room”, “This rad bodega where you can buy the beers and drink them there for mad cheap!!” and a screening of “Birth of a Nation”.
9. Drunkenly challenging everyone to play chess.
8. Recurring forgetfulness of how to formulate the word “Hello.”
7. Coffee breath (you have to tell me!)
6. Usually surrounded by a bunch of dorky dudes.
5. Talking way too much about Karl Marx.
4. Obsession with finitude.
3. “Bro you’re problem is you just like skinny white girls” (contributed by Danny Brooklyn).
2. Living in New Jersey.
1. Life is empty and loveless.
Matt LaForge
Matt grew up in Carleton Place, in Ontario, and is employed as a grammarian. Some of his disparate interests include the Velocity Girl back catalog, Garner’s Modern American Usage, and the 2001 Ottawa Senators checking line, but he remains most at home listening to Uniform Choice. Matt reviewed the Gucci Mane LP for us, and in so doing, wrote the best joint we ever jointed since one of us (I forget who) reviewed Four Walls in our first issue.
Matt’s tastes have been heralded by both Ben Cook and Chris Corry, though not together:
Stuff a White Dude Liked:
10. Roy Halladay vs. A.J. Burnett, May 12, Rogers Centre
The team (Toronto) was right there with the best teams in the AL East, the city was beside itself with excitement, the building was full – and it was neither 1992 nor Opening Day. The best pitcher ever to wear my team’s uniform threw a five-hit, five-K, one-BB, one-run, 72-strikes-out-of-103-pitches complete-game gem against one of the most likable and talented ex-Jays of recent memory. And I, along with the other 50,000 people who were there, cheered and thought it good.
9. “The Fantastic Mr. Fox”
I’m going to tell you something: I love Wes Anderson movies. When I see their titles traded for cred in Myspace profiles, I become glad; when I read pans or grudging praise in major print outlets, I become angry. I was at least as annoyed as you were by the likes of “Garden State” and “Running With Scissors,” but I’ll rep Wes’s oeuvre in any company. A nice little trick he pulled here by remaking Zissou, giving it a new title, and, owing to the critical leeway afforded to stop-motion, gettingraves for it. See you in 2011, old friend.
8. The Cro Mags, live, Oct. 30, The Kathedral, Toronto, Ont.
I have been attending John Joseph vocal performances for several years now, and this was the first one that started in the manner generally recognized as correct: Clockwork Orange intro into We Gotta Know. Like a generations-old cookie recipe, competently prepared by someone who knew what she was doing, it really hit the spot.
7. Bill Callahan — Sometimes I Wish We Were an Eagle
Smog and The Mountain Goats are two things that have passed me by. I’m fine with that. Nonetheless, I downloaded this at around the same time I downloaded the Dinosaur Jr. record, and, wouldn’t you know it, the Callahan prevailed. I’d rather hear a girl gush about Bill than about Springsteen any day – that much I know.
6. “A Serious Man”
The funniest Coen, and — perhaps not coincidentally — the first to refer to Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, since the one with Billy Bob. Some of my fellow gentiles have suggested that the Jewish content is a bit inside; I didn’t think so – and I’ve never done anything more Talmudic than read a couple Michael Chabon novels.
5. “Tent City” by George Saunders, in GQ Magazine
The best writer alive since the best writer died rents a van, rolls up to a neo-Hooverville in Fresno, stays there for a trust-establishing, project-legitimizing amount of time, and then quietly drops, into the September issue of Gent, a Let Us Now Praise Famous Men for Obama times. I’m not the first to say it but I’ll say it anyway: Only in America.
4. “Breaking Bad,” Season Two
If in 2007 you were a nu-metal crankhead living in a tertiary American city, you weren’t seeing a lot of yourself represented in popular entertainment. Your 15 minutes in the spotlight was roughly seven years in the rearview, rapidly fading from memory. And then, out of nowhere, people at AMC decide they want to employ inspired casting, top-hole writing, and slow-burn pacing in the service of catching up with you and telling your story. After a strong start, the People’s Show hit new, rare heights this past year. I’m champing at the bit for season three.
3. Dana Gould — ”Let Me Put My Thoughts In You” DVD
“Fragile” Frankie Merman was busy in the wake of the conversion van debacle. He got a job writing for The Simpsons, adopted Asian babies, and somehow developed the illest rasp in his voice. His standup DVD, directed by Bob Odenkirk, was the funniest hour of new shit to drop in 2009. NBC’s “Community”? “Modern Family”? Come on now.
2. Iron Age – The Sleeping Eye
It’s a good sign when a record as conceptually out-there as this one is can come off as unforced and genuine as this one does. It’s a happy paradox that such lofty themes as contained in TSE’s lyrics – to say nothing of those conjured by the riffs – ring truer than the plainspoken urban-reality verses of Constant Struggle. This is the only record released in the back half of the decade that I listen to in its entirety, every time, without exception.
1. Mindset, live, Nov. 22, Westcott Community Center, Syracuse, N.Y.
On the night in question, a bona fide American straight edge band took the stage, tuned up, and ripped a gig space to shreds. This is one of the greatest things a person can see. I started the night a well-wisher but went home a fan. The best stage style you’ll encounter on the East Coast in 2010 will be that of Mike, Mindset’s guitarist, a thoroughbred BDTW edgeman who evinces not a trace of half-assed Far East spirituality. Now, as ever, America’s Youth desperately needs such a role model.
Honourable mentions:
“UP!”, Gucci Mane — The State vs Radric Davis, “Curb Your Enthusiasm” Seinfeld reunion episodes, Louis CK live at Massey Hall in July.
Decade:
10. Jay-Z — The Blueprint (2001)
Lots of people who had been pretty much ignoring rap for a minute got back into it in the 2000s. I was one of them, and this album was a big reason why. Twelve songs of a never-more-focused Jay, and one with a single-verse feature by a premier rhyming talent at the peak of his powers. That’ll work. Conceived as an album, written as an album, recorded as an album, listened to as an album – I’ve said it before, but there are many reasons, both tangible and non, to put in the countless hours of work necessary to achieving this effect.
9. “Old School” (2001)
Speaking of blueprints, Hollywood set the benchmark for the Great 21st-Century R-Rated Laff Revival on one of the first attempts. Hi-tech swearing? Check. Slobs vs. snobs? Check. Paced like shit? Check. Farrelly-affiliated (please say no)? No. Nothing produced in the Apatow Factory measures up.
8. Mental — Demo 2/And You Know This 7” (2002/2003)
Here’s (a scrubbed version of) what I had to say about Mental, in response to a 2008 post on Chris Corry’s Bidhardcore.com: “Am I ever glad they came along when I was at the perfect age of 22: old enough to appreciate what made them so great and such a rare phenomenon; young enough to (judiciously) cop elements of their style and, most importantly, still be relevant in the pit. Others have late-80s straight edge or early-90s college rock or what have you, but I feel fortunate to say that I have Mental et al 2002-2005. I <3 Mental and saw them countless times in eight or nine North American cities. Shout out to Sami for booking them in Montreal on Canuck Thanksgiving Weekend 2002. Banner hanging from the ceiling, two Underdog covers, the whole band and road crew in chain-link belts. Life would never be the same.”
7. Consider the Lobster by David Foster Wallace (2005)
Oblivion, released in 2004, was in many ways a culmination of Wallace’s career-long project to produce fiction that said something meaningful about, as it was articulated in the book’s final story, “the conflict between the subjective centrality of our own lives versus our awareness of its objective insignificance.” But because this list is about the 2000s, Lobster’s zeitgeisty essays on John McCain, right-wing talk radio, and the ethics of foodie-ism get the nod.
6. DJ Drama’s Gangsta Grillz Mixtape Series
Whatever tiny amount of guilt and hand-wringing may attend illegal downloading of official albums was never present in the mixtape scene. The impunity with which non-official releases were downloaded in the last 10 years, and the soon-to-be-outmoded macroeconomics that dictated which artists in which regions were most likely to depend on such releases for exposure (if not revenue), go a long way toward explaining the great southward shift that has been the biggest ongoing story in rap since the end of the ’90s. Is what I’m saying true? Mostly. Is it interesting? A little. Would I have been better to have used the time and space to talk about how consistently good and fun Drama’s tapes have been over the aforementioned period of time? Yes. Favourites: Dedication I and II, Trap or Die, The Movie I and II.
5. Mission of Burma — The Obliterati (2006)
This is the chronology of events as I understand them: a dork who wrote a Cobain bio includes the MOB in his better-than-it-should-have-been book-length loveletter to college rock; MOBmen read the chapter devoted to their band and get gassed; reunion gigs are played, exceeding expectations; the band does the honorable thing and records a passable, overheralded reunion record called ONoffON; then, and this is where it gets good, the band decides for some reason to stay together and expend effort in the direction of improving on what they’ve done in the past; and, finally, they release, to essentially zippo fanfare, the best wire-to-wire LP of their career.
4. (Robert Maculloch’s) Positive Numbers Fest of 2002, in Wilkes-Barre, Penn.
The Final Mosh should be on this list … but I missed it. As a result, this was my first time seeing the Cro Mags, an event that warrants automatic inclusion in any best-of-decade list. John and Harley sharing the stage with Fat Steve and Young Governor on Friday; Stop and Think, Mental, Invasion triple-killing on Saturday; posman’s buffet, featuring The First Step, Time Flies, and various Tim McMahon-affiliated things, on Sunday. A time I’ve remembered.
3. No Warning – No Warning 7” (2001)
There are a good many phases of No Warning’s career that I can’t co-sign. There are likewise many cool things I wouldn’t have sought out, many cool things I wouldn’t have seen or heard, had they not released their debut. The 7” record constituted MY whole WORLD for about two solid years. Special shout out to the Adam Gill pocket CD-R edition.
2. “No Country For Old Men” and “There Will be Blood” (2007, 2008)
Exhibit A opened wide on November 21, 2007; exhibit B opened wide on January 25, 2008. Two of the best movies of the decade, separated by nine weeks. Case closed.
1. “The Wire” (2002-2008)
The G.S.O.A.T. premiered in June of 2002; that same summer, my old pos band played in a dank squat in the heart of West Baltimore. “Where can we go to get some bottles of water?” “Where you can go is nowhere. Do not leave the fucking parking lot. Do you understand?” (And yet I still managed to drag my ass for four years before getting into the show in late 2006.) You can tell a lot about a person by what they have to say on the subject of season two. I think it’s the tightest of the five and I won’t countenance out-of-hand dismissals of its merits.
Honorable mentions:
The New Yorker under David Remnick, 50 Cent — Get Rich or Die Tryin’, Scharpling and Wurster — “Kid Ebay” and “Consolidated Ball Bearings,” Kelis — “Milkshake,” Achewood between 2004 and 2008, Dinosaur Jr. live in Toronto in ’05, Redd Kross live in N.Y.C. in ’06.
Spoiler A.K.A. Kevin Alen
Spoiler, who is also known as Kevin Alen, though only to some, and I can’t imagine who, grew up a metalhead in Belgium, played bass in Justice and currently in Omegas. He also sang for America’s Youth, and there remains a debate as to whether this was his peak. Regardless, his art (as in drawings of skinheads, monsters, and boobs) has appeared on a number of records and shirts, and he is a big cheese in Montreal, despite America’s Youth’s interminable hiatus. Spoiler reviewed this weird video I sent him earlier in the year. He does a lot of stuff and always seems to have good hair:
“TOP TEN YEARS OF THE DECADE:
Here are my 10 favourite years of the last 10 years.”
01. ’03.
This was the year everything changed. The was the first year I was in a band, played my first show, met most of my current friends, first signed a drawing as Spoiler, became myself. It was the year that hardcore became good again, it was the year that enabled several good years to come. Everything was exciting, everything was possible.
02. ’04.
This was the best year that came in the wave of ’03. I got married, went on my first tour, recorded a record, met more friends than ever before. The year where every seed we had planted bloomed, and everything we hated went to shit, a year where we could travel and see new things and do new things, take every opportunity, lose ourselves and find ourselves all together somewhere off in the night on some god forsaken stretch of foreign highway.
03. ’01.
Ah, the first year I was in love. It was a beautiful time where I learned more about myself than I ever will. I had time to give to myself because hardcore was at its’ worst. The Deal started playing, the Reproach guys and myself met the Reflex guys, and that was about it.
04. ’05.
This was the year everything got bigger. My band was putting out records and touring, my artwork went worldwide, my life was a constant storm of travelling, recording, skipping class, sleeping during the day, being up all night, watching the same few movies over and over with my wife on that wooden TV set older than myself, on the VHS tapes I’d get from my mother, with the movies she would tape off cable if I highlighted them in her TV guide on my visits home. It all added up and sped up and revved up until it all exploded, and I quit it all, left it all behind for a new life in a new land.
05. ’09.
The year I broke my edge of thirteen years, an unlucky number, after six months of separation from seven years of marriage, a lucky number, to my wife. I had to do something to calm my nerves. A decision I did not take lightly, an edge I will always remember proudly, a goodbye to a chapter of my life and a hello to another one. I learned a lot, a hell of a lot, and I’m only just getting started.
06. ’07.
The year The Omegas came to life, and I first started writing music for my own band, started fresh with what I had learned back then and what I had learned since then, put together in the dry well of hardcore punk that was Montreal. The year I finally convinced my wife to move downtown, close to the action, the shows, the friends, the hangouts, the movies, the people that were not her psychotic parents and their distorted offspring who all lived in the same house I did and drove me up the walls.
07. ’06.
My first year in Canada, still getting used to a new city, a new language, new friends, and brutal winters. I was cold and isolated, not only in the far away suburbs but within the Canadian borders, as I waited for my immigrant paperwork so I could live again. CBGB’s closed weeks before I was allowed to leave Canada, and I will always hold that grudge. Despite the dificulty of it all, I managed to find joy in the open new life, the new experiences, the new people, the possibilities, the poutine, the strip clubs.
08. ’02.
One of the most frustrating years in my life. My personal life of long distance relationships and their direct relation to self-inflicted poverty, lack of sleep, and failed social life, and then there was also hardcore being awful. The sole reason this year isn’t at the bottom of this list, can be summed up in two words: Dead Stop. Even if Lino wanted to fight me, and only 10 people cared about them, it was something. It was ours.
09. ’08.
The year I fell out of love and separated from my wife, cut off seven years of my life and jumped headfirst into a terrible mess that I wish upon no soul. I needed to be free, and freedom is never a simple thing. I gave up many things and gained many new things in return, like getting blowjobs from girls a decade younger than myself and not feeling guilty about it.
10. ’00.
The worst year was also the last year that hardcore was still the only thing that mattered in my life. Though I went on my first roadtrips abroad with XKombatX and fought the Flex for the last stage dive at the last Building show, overall the bands were shitty, the shows were shitty, and I spent the millenium change at a god damn Liar show, eating lousy vegan burgers wondering if the entire world was about to stop working. When I finally realized it was going to be fine, I celebrated by moshing to Reaching Forward covering the XChorusX’s “I Just Can’t Hate Enough” at five in the morning.
Clark Butterfield
Clark is a designer living in Brooklyn. He co-founded Zuriick shoes, ‘mastered a past iteration of the Marc Jacobs Web site, and plays, I think, a Gibson Birdland.
He has no dog, but a hypoallergenic cat named Randy. I haven’t seen Clark in a minute but I will say this: even though he has long hair, it is never in a ponytail. I’m not sure why that is.
Of course, ponytails remain a mystery to me, and I don’t see that changing anytime in the near future:
“Top 10 Drugs of 2009″
1. pot
2. Swedish fish
3. pot
4. Swedish fish
5. pot
6. Swedish fish
7. pot
8. Swedish fish
9. pot
10. Swedish fish
Rich Perusi
Rich, who played drums for Stop and Think, lives in Brooklyn and runs RIPE records, and is the best soccer-watching guy I know. He has a bunch of those jerseys that look like Fiberglas. It’s a good look:
Decade:
10. 70 South 1st
9. 139 Knorr
8. 1128 West Marshall
7. 8 Burney
6. Thrashford
5. 860 Beacon
4. 4 Buswell
3. 24 Linden
2. 700 Commonwealth
1. The Womb
2009:
10. Belgrano doorman
9. WTWTA hype
8. Funemployment
7. June-August
6. Santi in the Snow
5. All region david
4. Sylvias chicken + waffles
3. DJ SCAN
2. Arsenal Football Club
1. Uno Mas
Alisdair Stirling
Alisdair, along with Jørgen Traen, is one half of TOY. Alisdair was gracious enough to send out a couple lists, making him the only subject of ours (we interviewed him) to holler back. Sadly, emails from the committee to Livan Hernandez, as well as faxes to the Clippers press secretary, went unanswered. Respectively:
“2009. TOY´s favourite events/things
TOY´s pick of the Naughties”
10. Buddha Machine´s “Gristleism” looper
9. TuNeYaRdS release great Bird Brains LP
8. TOY tour Spitzbergen w/Polar Bear
7. Korg finally unveil the Deep Space Riffomatic Pro II
6. Reodor Felgen creates windharp simulator for ABC
5. Tweenbots visit Poptech, Camden, Maine
4. Mattel release “Realistic Martian Landing Set”
3. Boomkat 14 Tracks release “Documenting the Field”
2. Werner Herzog “releases” “The Wide Blue Yonder”
1. Rage Against the Machine take on X Factor for Xmas No. 1
10. 2000: Reodor Felgen invents so-called “wafflebeak” filter for NRK
9. 2001: Instantaneous thinking aloud becomes possible via “Fuckwit” system
8. 2002: TOY tour “In the Footsteps of Herzog” — Duquesne University, Pittsburgh; Iquitos, Peru; Ucayali, Peru w/Popol Vuh; Residenztheater, Munich; Kaspar Haus, Nuremberg; Cerro Torre, Southern Patagonia
7. 2003: Robert Wyatt´s Cuckooland album emerges from Louth
6. 2004: Reodor Felgen creates BBC filter for “House of Hiss”
5. 2005: “Buddha Machine” launch Buddha Machine
4. 2006: Alex Ross gives atonal the thumbs up in “The Rest is Noise”
3. 2007: V&A Museum´s Surreal Things exhibition in London
2. 2008: Charlie Kaufman´s “Synecdoche, New York” released in U.K.
1. 2009: TuNeYaRdS release great Bird Brains LP
Matt Sieradzki
Matt was among the first wave of Lockin Out interns, beginning his charge during his freshman year at Boston University in the fall of 2004. If you have a Sweet Vision EP, he might have put it together.
Originally from New Jersey, Matt is pursuing a graduate degree in Library Science and is probably at this very moment reading Infinite Jest companion books and listening to the Flex Your Specs compilation. Matt reviewed The Mountain Goats’ record this year. You may know the band, since Philly Boy Roy is their drummer. Matt listens to a lot of music:
“Note: The following list is presented in no order. These are merely my 10 favorite albums of the past decade.”
10. The Mountain Goats — All Hail West Texas (Emperor Jones/2002)
Throughout the first 10 years or so of The Mountain Goats’ existence, their recorded output was known for, among other things, its sparse production value. The music was oftentimes recorded by Darnielle himself on his personal Panasonic RX-FT500 boombox. As Darnielle’s songwriting progressed, his wish to expand his work and avoid stagnancy while fostering creative inspiration grew, understandably, but before taking the career-altering step towards production value and complex instrumental arrangements, John treated his fans to AHWT. The album consisted of, as its cover art states, “Fourteen songs about seven people, two houses, a motorcycle, and a locked treatment facility for adolescent boys,” with Darnielle’s offering the intended culmination of his lo-fi recording work. Now, the task of shifting one’s creative modus operandi and abandoning distinctive characteristics is a big change, and John said farewell to his beloved boombox recordings with one hell of a last hurrah. The album is populated by wall-to-wall classics, like: “The Best Ever Death Metal Band Out of Denton,” and, “Fall Of The High School Running Back,” as well as, “Color In Your Cheeks.” Also appearing are: “Jenny” and, “The Mess Inside” and, “Source Decay.” This record’s cup runneth over with standout tracks that positively brim with sincere tenderness, earnest vocalizations, highly literate lyrics, and unequivocal wit. And the drummer is Philly Boy Roy.
9. Drive By Truckers — The Dirty South (New West/2004)
For a band which managed to consistently release the highest caliber of American rock n’ roll over its 13-year career, that their 2004 album is their best is remarkable. I celebrate the band’s entire catalogue and pound for pound, The Dirty South outranks them all. Heavy hitters (“Where The Devil Don’t Stay”; “The Day John Henry Died”; “Never Gonna Change”) kick in your door, barraging the listener with complex examinations of Southern sensibilities, historical set pieces, and social commentary. The album does a fine job of painting the South in complex tones: the group identifies its legacy with either pride or shame. Indeed, The Dirty South is a complicated mix of policy indictment and espousal of select Southern virtues. Part of DBT’s allure lies in their ability to craft Southern rock; part lies in their exposed vulnerability. Here’s to hoping the good old boys/girl continue contributing to the output of the region that gave us Faulker and Chick-Fil-A.
8. Witch — Witch (Tee Pee/2006)
Featuring J Mascis on the skins, this record really takes Sabbath influence to a whole new place. More than just rehashed genre conventions, the riffing is relentless. If the lead riff to “Seer” didn’t knock you on your ass the first time you heard it (and many times after that) then I’m afraid I’ve got nothing for you. In fact, “Seer” would be enough for a three-mic record, but Witch was having none of that, and the rest of the tunes not only hold their own with the banger, but round out the joint.
7. Ghostface Killah — Supreme Clientele (Sony/2000)
If you haven’t been catching the blast of this album’s hype verses then you are blowing it in a major way. Supreme Clientele is the best example of why Ghostface is untouchable: it’s not that he’s the best rapper ever, it’s that his lyricism and flow are from another planet. They’re on another plane of existence, entry to which cannot be attained by normal humans. Ghost’s vocabulary is preposterous, not in an “I’ve memorized the O.E.D.”-type way, but in a way suggestive of a highly literate man harnessing his creative inclinations to forge new language, wherein the meanings of previously unheard mannerisms are at once evident, and simultaneously so ingenious that listeners wish they made up the joints them damn selves.
6. Steve Earle — Transcendental Blues (Artemis/2000)
After a collaborative effort the year before, Steve Earle was back like he left something in Y2K, and was on some new shit, too. Throughout his career, Earle skulked off Nashville’s conventions, doing away with commoditization and welcoming experimentation. Transcendental Blues marks a distinct node on Earle’s evolutionary tree, its style moving to a bizarre, more sophisticated Jayhawks. (He would perfect this sound on his later records, particularly Jerusalem, and The Revolution Starts Now.) Of course, the listener is still sitting down with a Steve Earle record: Steve’s distinctive raspy drawl is there, as is his wide swath of lyrics, from narratives to personal examinations of love and opportunity attained and lost.
5. Redman — Malpractice (Def Jam/2001)
Malpractice opens with a classic Redman comedy skit, but there is absolutely nothing funny about the “Diggy Doc” beat that drops next. Redman’s verbal gymnastics and never-ending pop culture references and punch lines help the record convey both lightheartedness and gully, like Reggie Noble himself, and every track on this album is a banger. Red’s longtime buddy Erick Sermon (and others) produce, and it’s simply impossible to stay in a bad mood under Red’s bouncy and infectious rhythms, and hooks. Malpractice sees Red at his best, spouting seemingly unending flow detailing everything but mostly leading back to a man with boundless aptitude and flawless execution and his life and times in beloved Brick City. It’s the diggy diggy DOC, y’all. New Jersey stand up.
4. The Hold Steady — Separation Sunday (Frenchkiss/2005)
Craig Finn’s writing will never get stale, from his Pynchon-influenced Lifter Puller lyrics to The Hold Steady’s labyrinthine and interlocking character-arcs. Finn somehow manages to gain entry to worlds painted by Charles Dickens and William Gaddis on one hand and Bruce Springsteen, Warren Zevon, and Meat Loaf on the other. With heavy biblical and lyrical references, Finn and co. have managed to develop their sound into something both contemporary and timeless, fraught with booming power chords, sweet grand piano melodies, and an engrossing web of generously self-referential storylines.
3. Jay-Z — The Blueprint 2: The Gift And The Curse (Roc-a-fella/2002)
This album sounds huge and when it dropped I don’t think I listened to anything else for a month. Everything about it is superb, from Jay’s flow and lyricism, to the production. Heavyweights Just Blaze, Dre, Kanye, Timbaland, and The Neptunes’ exemplary production gave the record a glossy, enormous and weighty atmosphere. Guest spots are employed to great effect: when you hear M.O.P. crashing into “U Don’t Know,” it’s hard not to imagine a packed Brownsville club getting brolic. There is tremendous tonal range here, with tracks going from pounding club bangers, bouncy pop sensations, and serious hood-tales.
2. Bill Callahan — Sometimes I Wish We Were An Eagle (Drag City/2009)
I’ve already tackled this one in my 2009 list, but suffice it to say, the latest entry from Bill Callahan, the peripatetic baritone whose back catalog is no joke, shows exponential artistic growth. With his signature deadpan vocal delivery accompanied by sometimes engaging and flourishing, sometimes skeletal orchestral instrumentation, it really means something that Callahan’s latest album may also be his best.
1. Jens Lekman — Night Falls Over Kortedala (Secretly Canadian/2007)
Sweden’s Jens Lekman brings here an album of unparalleled originality and stark, blunt, un-ironic emotion. Drawing from a wide span of genres, Night Falls Over Kortedala is a study in variation, a single shining example of wholly embraced diversity, and the opposite of Dr. Frankenstein’s monster – a record, though culled from familiar roots, that exists as an impenetrably cohesive sum. Here, dramatically flourishing string crescendos find common cause with jaunty and upbeat glockenspiel leads and forceful brass strings, all offsetting Jens’ melancholic vocals. When I first got into Lekman, a few years ago, my initial impression was of music loosely akin to what Beck might have cultivated had he continued down the same sonic path of Mellow Gold and Odelay, with some Morrissey for good measure. Make no mistake, though, Jens has crafted a record which defies categorization. It almost feels moot to even attempt at describing the sweet melodies, honey-dripper vocals, and emotionally jarring instrumentation: you simply must hear it for yourself.
Here are my favorite records this year:
10. Obits — I Blame You (Sub Pop)
Prior to the LP, Obits released a single (“One Cross Apiece” b/w “Put It In Writing”) with such songwriting, performance, and production quality that a repeat feat looked to be impossible. Could the group manage the short, flawless burst of a single with an LP, and keep listeners in the same state of attentive awe which had been previously achieved? This would be tantamount to catching lightning in a bottle. They pulled it off. The album may take a listen or two, but once it’s stuck in your head, you won’t be able to ignore it. Wire, Richard Hell And The Voidoids, Gang Of Four, and the Wipers influences are all here and updated, and the result is a taut, cohesive joint. This is not a record with some standout tracks that beg return, but is solid from start to finish, like fine cheese from Vermont, or a female rower.
9. Dinosaur Jr. — Farm (Jagjaguwar)
The latest from the re-formed J Mascis and company is exactly what it purports to be, a Dinosaur Jr. LP, and, sticking to the script, it succeeds brilliantly. This sits comfortably in the canon, a testament to J more than anything. Mind-boggling guitar solos which soar, and pounding percussion and counterpoint bass riffs, all three of which play off each other with expert precision. Yep, it’s another Dino Jr. album that makes you either want to practice your instrument all day everyday, or quit forever, or, at some point, probably both.
8. The Mountain Goats — The Life Of The World To Come (4AD)
There really isn’t much to say about this one that I haven’t already said in my review of it here, but suffice it to say that John Darnielle and his musical cohorts have once again turned out a moving album which spans the many genres he’s embraced throughout his long and productive career. Also, Philly Boy Roy plays drums.
7. John Vanderslice — Romanian Names (Dead Oceans)
Those unfamiliar with Vanderslice’s work might find this different from any other albums, with a songwriting style evoking moments alternately triumphant (“Oblivion”), forlorn (“Romanian Names”), eerie (“Forest Knolls”), and hopeful (“D.I.A.L.O.”). Vanderslice has really outdone himself here and the songs all hold up in a live setting, thanks to his in-the-moment vocals which make the song’s personal aspects really come to fore. The album’s common thread is songs which, though tonal, float, through tradewinds of smooth-flowing backbeats. Vanderslice shows no sign of letting up but I would be surprised if, when all is said and done, Romanian Names doesn’t stand among the best of his work.
6. Drive By Truckers — Live from Austin, TX (New West)
There is just no denying the Drive By Truckers. For the past 11 years they’ve been consistently quenching the ears of those inclined towards that middle-ground of American southern music what lurks between traditional country and bluegrass, and rock n roll, and this live disc is no exception. The September 26, 2008, live show gives us a good mix of classic and newer DBT tracks, with rotating vocalists all and jam sessions many. (Like Skynyrd, they have three guitars.) A renowned live band, the improvisation, energy and banter is all here, as is the technical acumen one might expect by a band just a baseball season away from reaching Bar Mitzvah.
5. Justin Townes Earle — Midnight At The Movies (Bloodshot)
Justin Townes was named by his father Steve Earle for the legendary Townes Van Zandt, and the progeny proves on his third release that he truly is on his way to fully living up to his namesake and the lofty aspirations that come with association to Townes’ legacy. Justin is young, and further development can be reasonably expected from his exemplary track record. His voice takes is sweet and sometimes warbly, like a young and more baritone Jimmie Dale Gilmore. There are autobiographic details here. “Mama’s Eyes” opens a window on Justin’s complex relationship with his mother, Carol Anne, and his father Steve. (Further reading is found in the biography Hardcore Troubadour: The Life And Near Death Of Steve Earle by Lauren St. John). Another standout moment comes at on “Here We Go Again,” on the end of the record, which invokes Steve’s “Goodbye” and “My Old Friend The Blues.” Justin is Steve’s son, no doubt, but he makes clear that he is competently forging his own path.
4. Screaming Females — Power Move (Don Giovanni)
This album does not let up, from its first downbeat to its final crescendo. Our friends at Don Giovanni Records (of which I’ve been an enthusiast since the Sarah Connor’s Will days) release their first LP, an album with hook after hook. There is shredded solo after shredded solo, and lead guitarist/vocalist Marissa Paternoster’s unique stylings (strong, melodic vocals, with warbly howls; proficient noodling) playing comfortably off solid drum lines and busy, Descendents-like bass parts. The production value is fantastic, and the guitar tone would make a Sam Ash employee whip it out on the Q train and cry. The sounds from Paternoster’s guitar sound laminated and sharpened at the edges, and the tone invokes Hendrix and Mascis. Already great, one would not be presumptuous to expect great things from the band in the (immediate as well as long-term) future.
3. The Mountain Goats & John Vanderslice — Moon Colony Bloodbath (Cadmean Dawn)
Here we have Darnielle collaborating with his sometimes producer Vanderslice on a concept record on trials and tribulations of lunar organ farmers in the future. Gruesome subject matter to be sure, Vanderslice and TMG manage to craft tenderly written songs (and alternate lead vocals) which engage from the stellar opening track “Surrounded” to the hopeful-toned closer “Engaged”. The listener is treated to the production and songwriting which evokes the intermingling guitar stylings of the two Johns, with both treading on familiar territory: percussive acoustic guitar chords and lingering, spacey, delay-laden and flowing, respectively. The long-delayed release was worth the wait.
2. Steve Earle — Townes (New West)
I experienced emotions nothing short of shock and thrill when I first heard that the hardcore troubadour himself was planning to release an album of Townes Van Zandt covers so soon after his last effort. What followed was certainly a fitting tribute to his longtime friend, inspiration, and mentor. Steve embraces the charge with an array of approaches spanning his breadth of style. “Pancho And Lefty” and “Colorado Girl” are played in somber tones, close to Townes and mid-era (1996’s Train A’ Comin) Steve. Earle takes liberties with other Townes classics: “Loretta” and “Lungs” both smack of Steve’s baroque era (the records with electronics on them.) There are bluegrass sensibilities employed on “White Freight Liner Blues” and “Delta Momma Blues,” both of which are overtly reminiscent of Steve’s own work on The Mountain. Townes is likely proud to have helped Steve along on the path towards becoming the songwriter that he is today. Rest in peace, Townes.
1. Bill Callahan — Sometimes I Wish We Were An Eagle (Drag City)
The formerly prolific lo-fi recording artist Smog came back this year with his second LP under his government name, and has surpassed all expectations that anyone could have possibly had for the joint. Callahan is no slouch, with 11 Smog albums (and six EP’s, and several lo-fi cassette releases) but his oeuvres could not have foreshadowed this latest, momentous release. The album opens with the dynamic one-two punch of “Jim Cain” and “Eid Ma Clak Shaw”, both instant classics – or at least, instant staples. (No coincidence that the rest of the record falls under this rubric.) I would also be remiss not to grant special recognition to “Too Many Birds,” but attempting to rank the songs is a pointless task. Each is a stark declaration that Callahan is a remarkable talent, one who shows no signs of letting up. Callahan also gets the honor of being the best live performer that I saw in 2009.
Mark Baumer
Mark is a graduate student of creative writing at Brown. He played varsity baseball at Wheaton College, where he was a pitcher.
He runs a Web site, Everyday Yeah, and at one point held three jobs and a full-time girlfriend. He compiled links and reviewed the Gucci record earlier this year, and is currently dog-sitting for the committee.
Indeed, I have never met Mark, but if I remember correctly, when he was in college he lined a single off a pitcher who is now doing things in the big leagues. Sadly, that pitcher was not Livan Hernandez. Mark watches a lot of movies:
“The 71 best movies of the decade (2000-2009)”
71. “The Rocker” (2008)
This movie sucked. I got free tickets. Dwight Shrute was in it. He was the drummer. I don’t think he even knows how to drum.
70. “Taxi to the Darkside” (2008)
I think this was a political film. There were some dicks. Like terrorist dicks. All over the screen. People were dumping water on the dicks. I kind of laughed. It was infantile. Then there was all this political bullshit and I fell asleep.
69. “Charlie Bartlett” (2008)
Remember that kid that got shot in the face in that movie with Justin Timberlake (“Alpha Dog”). He’s in this movie. I saw an advanced showing of it. I think the reels were out of order. I’m guessing no one made money off this movie.
68. “Snow Angels” (2008)
Ummm, spoiler, some dude shoots his ex-wife in the face at the end after their daughter drowns. That’s what happens.
67. “Igor” (2008)
I think this might be John Cusack’s first movie before he hit it big. He didn’t even play himself. I think they drew his face.
66. “Married Life” (2008)
Some guy was trying to do it with this other girl that wasn’t his wife. The other girl was Rachel McAdams. My friend has a crush on Rachel McAdams. I think he was jealous. Then Pierce Brosnan comes in and marries the bitch.
65. “Death Race” (2008)
The original was probably better. It had both Stallone and David Carradine.
64. “Swing Vote” (2008)
Kevin Costner has a soft spot on his face now but also in my heart.
63. “In Bruges” (2008)
So the bad guy in Harry Potter was the bad guy in this movie, only he has a nose. Remember when that guy named Ralph didn’t have a nose and Harry Potter shot him in the face anyway.
62. “Flawless” (2008)
I think Demi Moore was in this movie. She didn’t have a shaved head. That was cool when she shaved her head.
61. “Leatherheads” (2008)
So George Lucas didn’t direct this movie. Has George Clooney ever been in a George Lucas movie? I’m afraid to look. I think someone should make a movie called “George.” If that happens I’ll change my name to something else.
60. “Run, Fat Boy, Run” (2008)
Simon Pegg was my third grade teacher. True story.
59. “Mongol?” (2008)
I didn’t even see this movie. A friend of a friend saw it. I forget what they said about it.
58. “The other Boleyn Girl?” (2008)
I didn’t see this movie either. I think I was supposed to and then I realized it would be insane to see this movie so I didn’t see it.
57. “The Women” (2008)
I remember when Meg Ryan used to hang out with Eddie Vedder and then Tom Cruise started a grunge band and she married him instead of Tom Hanks.
56. “Sex and the City” (2008)
Let’s be serious for a second. All the women on this show are ugly.
55. “The House Bunny” (2008)
Tom Hanks’ son is in this movie. Remember when Tom Hanks gave birth to his son in that movie where he played the retarded guy with AIDS?
54. “27 Dresses” (2008)
I knew this girl who always said, “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.” Then she was in that movie with Alicia Silverstone and Marshall Mathers. Then she died yesterday or something.
53. “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” (2008)
I re-watched this movie last night and laughed, but it was the version that got animated and made into a television show and one of the characters is named “Cartman.”
52. “Baby Mama” (2008)
Remember when Alec Baldwin should have been in this movie?
51. “Mad Money?” (2008)
Didn’t actually see this one, but I liked the trailer. Old bitches laughing, jumping up and down, stealing money, etc. Does Queen Latifah make bad movies?
50. “Twilight” (2008)
This was some vampire shit.
49. “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” (2008)
Remember when that guy died in an atomic bomb testing site because he tried to hide in a refrigerator and his family sued Harrison Ford?
48. “The Mummy 3?” (2008)
Oh, Brendan Fraser shit.
47. “Journey to the Center of the Earth?” (2008)
Oh, more Brendan Fraser shit.
46. “Space Chimps” (2008)
I think Brendan Fraser took a shit in this movie.
45. “The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian” (2008)
I cried during this movie and some eight-year-old sitting next to me called me a “faggot.”
44. “Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay” (2008)
My favorite movie in 2008.
43. “21″ (2008)
I was in this movie, but they cut my scenes. True story.
42. “Funny Games” (2008)
Some guy in front of me told me to eat my potato chips more gently.
41. “The Strangers” (2008)
There’s this part in the movie when the main character’s friend gets shot in the face and I said, “Oh no, not the face.”
40. “The Signal” (2008)
Remember when that guy with three fingers tries to eat that other guy’s fingers. I think I knew that other guy.
39. “The Bank Job” (2008)
My friend has money in a bank and I think he once got a blowjob from his girlfriend.
38. “Get Smart” (2008)
Steve Carrell’s nose.
37. “Tropic Thunder” (2008)
Who was even in this movie?
36. “Strange Wilderness” (2008)
Steve Zahn fan club USA!
35. “Vicky Cristina Barcelona” (2008)
Oh, Woody Allen having sex with Penelope Cruz.
34. “Elegy” (2008)
Oh, some guy with a shaved head having sex with Penelope Cruz.
33. “Hamlet 2″ (2008)
The greatest sequel ever made.
32. “Semi-Pro” (2008)
I kind of wish John C. Reilly was in this movie instead of Woody Harrelson. Note: always put John C. Reilly in your movie instead of Woody Harrelson.
31. “The Promotion” (2008)
John C. Reilly Fan club USA! Remember when he was in that movie with Michael J. Fox and Sean Penn (“Casualties of War”) and he raped a Vietnamese woman. I was like, “Wow, John, wow.” So funny. Comic genius.
30. “Pineapple Express” (2008)
I brought dried pineapple to this movie and ate it.
29. “Bedtime Stories” (2008)
Adam Sandler is so over the hill, but its okay. I like giving him money.
28. “Role Models” (2008)
John C. Reilly should have been in this movie too. Just because.
27. “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan” (2008)
I really like the part where they’re playing hacky sack with the cat. It made me want to buy a cat.
26. “The Happening” (2008)
The whole time I kept thinking, “Drop an atomic bomb and hide in the fridge.” This movie was funny.
25. “American Teen” (2008)
Something about real people. Not sure why it’s here on my list.
24. “Hancock” (2008)
This movie would have been better if it was nothing but Will Smith flying around on a hang glider and he yelled at people. Then they could have called it “Hang Glider.”
23. “Wanted” (2008)
This was cool because Angelina Jolie was driving a car with her foot while shooting a gun with her face.
22. “Eagle Eye” (2008)
Remember when I used to think Elijah Wood and Shia Labeouf were the same person?
21. “Quantum Solace” (2008)
Remember when P. Diddy said he wanted to be the next Bond? This should really happen.
20. “Cloverfield” (2008)
So, was this real or not?
19. “The Incredible Hulk” (2008)
I like when Robert Downey Jr. shows up at the end of this movie?
18. “Hellboy II” (2008)
I watched this movie on a boat and yelled a lot of profanities at people not on boats
17. “The Dark Knight” (2008)
People freaked for this movie I think?
16. “Ironman” (2008)
I loved the Ironman donuts they had at 7-11.
15. “Son of Rambow” (2008)
Little kids running around trying to be famous. Almost as cute as computer generated robots.
14. “Let The Right One In” (2008)
The only good vampire thing made in the 2000s.
13. “Synecdoche, New York” (2008)
This honestly had a million cool things going on for the first hour, but then it shot itself in the face for the second half of the movie.
12. “The Visitor” (2008)
This was sad. I felt hopeless when I left the theater. I think it made me want to kill white people. Not sure why I didn’t.
11. “The X Files: I Want to Believe” (2008)
Scully is such a bad ass. Mulder is such a homo. Greatest duo of all time.
10. “CJ7″ (2008)
I didn’t actually see this movie. I was going to go, but then I played basketball.
9. “Be Kind Rewind” (2008)
I feel like this movie is pretty bad. I don’t even know why I liked it. Remember when Jack Black was in that movie with himself and he had to kill himself?
8. “Rambo” (2008)
I saw this movie with my dad. It was a great father-son bonding moment.
7. “Gran Torino” (2008)
I wish I saw this movie with my dad. It would have been a great father-son bonding moment.
6. “Billy the Kid” (2008)
My uncle Bob was in this movie for a half a second.
5. “The Foot Fist Way” (2008)
Oh, this is the first time Danny McBride crawled out my ass. That honestly was a good experience.
4. “Step Brothers” (2008)
John C. Reilly fanclub USA!!
3. “Baghead” (2008)
Someone gets run over by a car near the end. It was pretty funny.
2. “Step Up 2 the Streets?” (2008)
So I didn’t see this movie until last night. It was at this spot on my list prior to my viewing based on that Flo Rida song, ‘Low’ that is on the movie soundtrack.
1. “WALL•E” (2008)
I cried. Greatest love story ever told.
Nate Turbow
Nate Turbow does comics and lives in New York.
He’s cool:
Top 10 Years from the Last Decade:
1. ’05
2. ’07
3. ’03
4. ’08
5. ’00
6. ’02
7. ’09
8. ’06
9. ’01
10. ’04
- "Coffee & Cigarettes" doesn't count because of a distinct lack of Inspectah Deck.
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