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Shore Style

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Allow me to take a moment before we embark upon this epic adventure into the lives of these people to explain to the reader the essence of what Shore Style is. In order to understand any part of the lives of these individuals, one must have a working knowledge of The Style and at least a moderate ability to tie that knowledge into real life examples. It is not entirely unheard of for The Style to completely bewilder the average person who has not yet gained a grasp of its many tenets. Part of what makes The Style so elusive to average mind is how intensely intangible it is. Along the lines of love or hatred, you must truly feel it to know what it is, although there is no true way to fully understand it. One must understand that The Style is both a way of life and at the same time not simply just a way of living. It is incomparable to a self-imposed decision such as veganism or being straight edge. It is an innate sense of self. It is more on the metaphysical level then anything else. Picture in your mind, if you will, a scenario. Any scenario that seems to have an impossible outcome. Now imagine that the impossible happening, but in such a way that you are too confused to even realize that it did, in fact, happen. The Style. Hypothetically, you are sitting in a diner on a date with beautiful woman. A large group of unrulies comes barreling into the diner and sits across the room from you. Their presence makes you uncomfortable because you feel they may offend your date. You see her staring at one with long gnarly hair. He is wearing a sleeveless hoodie, mesh shorts, and work boots. All of a sudden you have lost control. Your head stops spinning and your girlfriend is leaving with the dude in the work boots. How did this happen? You are a good-looking guy, well-dressed, nice car, lots of money. Now your girl is squeezed into a pickup truck with five grimy dudes and she’s getting ready for the train. The Style. There is this aura, unlike that of any other, that comes along with this style that turns impossible situations into bizarre anomalies. When a man or, in extremely rare cases, a woman is born with The Style, their mind inhabits a whole new plain of existence, much different from that of the normal world, while their body stays somewhat in sync with the rest of said normal world. The Style becomes apparent through many factors, some of the easiest to discern being the clothes, jargon, and innate ability to mosh well. Some of the harder factors to take notice of are the multiple lives that come hand in hand with having a mind that coincides on multiple plains of existence. Also, an extremely high sex drive is innate in those of The Style.

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Brett Jaeger is a prime example of The Style. A closer look at his life will allow the reader a glimpse at the more easily noticed factors of The Style. Brett is a shining example of The Style in that his bizarre homo-erotic sense of humor, alongside his lack of personal hygiene and inability to read, combined with his homeless construction worker-esque clothing style actually increases his appeal to the girls, and not just any girls, but extremely attractive girls from wealthy families. Brett lives in an apartment-size bedroom that he made in his parents’ basement. He has absolutely no clue how many points he has on his driver’s license or how many times he’s been pulled over/given tickets. Jobs that he has held in the past include: doing stock in a warehouse, dressing like Elmo at children’s parties, and delivering telephone books. A sure sign of The Style with Brett is in his tendency to randomly piss and/or shit his pants in public. Situations where Brett has shit himself in front of people have varied in degree of weirdness from a party gag to the awkward situation of him being alone in the car with one other person. A layman would ask himself how a person like this manages to exist, let alone exist on such a high level of chillness. The reality of the situation is simply that The Style is in full swing here. Where your average everyday illiterate pants-shitter would be locked in a rat cellar in their parents’ basement being fed through the crack under the door, Brett lives in the ultimate hangout room where he harpoons beav’ like a New England fisherman does Tuna. This is completely illogical by any means other than by explaining it as The Style.

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Paul White is in many ways the definition of The Style. In order to understand Paul’s correlation to the Shore Style phenomenon, one must understand the different essences of Swank. Each aspect of Paul’s life can be broken up into different Swanks, i.e., Paul himself is Swank the Dude, Paul’s job is Swank the Job, etc. Paul’s most telltale sign of The Style is his tendency to disappear for days, even weeks, at a time. For conversation’s sake, we’ll refer to this disappearance as Swank the Vacation. Swank the Vacation is a total enigma to even Swank the Dude’s closest friends. Because of things like Swank the Job’s demanding hours, Swank the Dude is able to create an illusion of a high-stress workweek that leaves him devoid of any personal time. In reality, it is impossible to know what exactly it is that Swank the Dude is doing when he is not at Swank the Job because of his strong sense of The Style. Despite Swank the Dude’s small stature and quiet voice, the man is driven by an intense level of physical strength as well as a voracious and unquenchable appetite for sex. Swank the Temper is an on/off switch for a level of unhindered rage that is not unlike an intense “roid rage.” Swank as a whole is The Style in an individual form rarely seen so pure.

shore style get real trumbull island njhc


shore style get real trumbull island njhc


Jason Scheller is a prime candidate for my third and final example of someone with The Style. Scheller is one of the most difficult subjects to understand due to his being prone to the darkest most enigmatic aspects of The Style. In Scheller, we find the final evolution of the secret life in one of the first documented cases of the alter ego. The alter ego, or egos in this case, is a doppelgänger of the person in question. To avoid confusion between the two entities we will refer to the true person as Scheller and to the alter ego as Jason. Scheller is the average, mild-mannered guy. He has a passion for hardcore and collecting records, he runs a record label. He is soft spoken, funny with a dry sense of humor, and noted for his mellow persona. The flip side to this personality is Jason. Jason is a bartender at TGIF’s. He is loud and aggressive, a womanizer, and not unlike your average frat guy. Where Scheller might see a friend and say, “Hey, what’s up,” Jason would see a friend and yell, “Wasssssssup bitches!” Where at first sight this may seem comparable to The Incredible Hulk in that an enhanced version of Scheller “comes out” every so often, it is more on par with a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type of scenario. Jason is everything that Scheller does not want to be. In fact, Jason and Scheller hate each other. This is the embodiment of the dark side of The Style.  A man without control of himself. This element is not exclusive to this case either, it is there in all who possess The Style or, should I say, who are possessed by The Style.

The Style is in many ways similar to the sixth sense that one develops when they grow up on the streets. It is not something that you strive to achieve; it is not something that you ask for, or, in most cases, even want. It is an innate sense of self and of one’s surroundings. It protrudes out of every aspect of one’s life and at the same time is invisible to those who don’t understand it. It invokes a sense of fascination. People see those with The Style and can’t help but wonder. Some even go as far as to long to develop their own small sense of The Style. The Style, however, cannot be developed or gained, it is something that you are born with that grows inside of you from the day that you are born until the day that you die and even then continues to grow in the myths that are your exploits. The only true thing that can be said about it is simply you’ve either got it or you don’t. Shore Style.


  1. Get Real

    Thursday, November 18, 2010 at 10:27 am | Permalink
  2. Bob wrote:

    An excerpt from the soon to be published essay, Texts With Scheller. Be on the look out for the already requested follow up novella, Life on the Toms, a Jason Scheller Story.

    Me: Better 2011 goal – get back into pro wrestling or get into local high school sports?

    Scheller: Being into high school sports to me reeks of pedophilia and Peter Pan syndrome, next you’ll be supplying the alcohol at high school parties

    Me: Yo I bet you have bought alcohol for minors before for real tho

    Jason:Yeah at that Easter clevo show, for that skanky girl

    (C) Shore Style Inc

    Thursday, November 18, 2010 at 12:42 pm | Permalink
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