Skip to content

On Bumouts

2834384974_259a34655d

You are not a game changer. I can say that without knowing anything about you, and I will be right billions of times, and wrong only a handful. When I think of game changers, I think of Michael Jordan. Basketball and the NBA are completely different now than they were before he arrived. That said, when Jordan tried his hands at baseball, things changed not so much.1 So when the Internet collectively shit their pants a bit over a week ago over this supposed “game changing” phone, I responded with a *snort*.

Has Google changed the game of the Internet, or the Internet search, or anything? You could argue both sides. People were searching ably before, and of course, they still search now. Current search are a whole lot better and more accurate than they were before Google’s arrival. One can argue that they’ve created an ecosystem in which all are welcome to participate, what with gmail, Google Docs, and a list that goes on. So if you want to call Google a game changer with respect to the Internet, I can spot you that one.

But that’s where it ends.

I mean, first of all, the pictures of this phone show that the “Nexus One” is actually an HTC Passion. Nobody shit their pants when that was announced. Secondly, pants are being shat on the strength of the Google phone’s being GSM unlocked. Big deal. All that means is that instead of being tied to AT&T’s shitty 3G coverage, it will be depend on T-Mobile’s. And there isn’t even a map for that: T-Mobile only offers 3G coverage in select cities.

Secondly, what will it cost? (This is actually a fork in the road of my argument, because if you had a time machine that fast forwarded 30 seconds, you’d know I don’t even think this phone will be sold.) If it’s fully unlocked, then no carrier will subsidize it. (Though Google might.) Apple already went down the unsubsidized road with the original iPhone, and everyone was pissed that it cost like $600, and yada yada yada, a.k.a. the game was not changed. Back to that short-range time machine, most likely the Google phone is just an internal/semi/soon-to-be external developer phone, just like the one from around the time the G1 was released. If you think about, an updated version of a developer model is overdue. The G1 lacks the RAM to even run the latest version of Android, and its processor is as slow as, well, shit.

So do yourself a favor this holiday season, while everyone else is freaking out, browning their boxers, and tinting their tighty-whiteys over the Google phone, enjoy whatever phone you currently use, or are currently thinking about buying, and rest assured that there is no game changer on the horizon, nor coming out in January, and there is nothing that you will be missing out on.

    Footnotes

  1. To be fair, batting .200 in professional baseball after something like 10 years away from the sport is INCREDIBLY impressive. I have no doubt Jordan would have been a good baseball player. If a 30-year-old can keep above the Mendoza line at Double-A, I don't doubt he would have hit the Majors if he started at 20. But I digress.