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Ah, the Bundesliga fashion of West Germany. I remember growing up in Belgium, and besides the one Belgian TV channel, the BRT, you got BBC (England), RaiUno (Italy), WDR (West Germany), FR1 and FR21 (France), and some other ones you couldn’t understand. It wasn’t until the early ’90s that Belgium got another TV channel, and it was another few years before we got channels like MTV. The WDR was by far the worst channel. I hated it. Not only are Belgians raised to hate Germans, since your grandfathers fought and died in the war against them, but the WDR was the most boring and conservative channel in Europe. On Italian and Spanish channels you could see a lot of cleavage and funny gags, the French at least had Louis De Funes movies (that guy rules – look him up). But ze Germans, all they had was talk shows, the news, and old-man-detective shows like “Matlock,” except not awesome. They had tons of them. “Derrick,” “Der Alte,” all that shit. I haven’t watched these shows in two decades and I still remember them perfectly. Fucking WDR.

This little YouTube gem is a perfect example of bad WDR programming. It’s, I guess, some male models prancing around in the then-newest Bundesliga fashion. I don’t know if these were actual soccer outfits, or proposed outfits, or what. But those are some next level dances, smacking of the free and capitalist Western Germans.2 The hosts literally don’t say anything beyond, “This outfit has red, yellow, and green.” It’s like they were so new to the concept of color television they forgot we could see the colors ourselves. But I don’t think they forgot that they didn’t have to wear those old gray suits anymore. I think they just loved that shit. Every single TV host or actor (including those from “Derrick” and “Der Alte” — which means “the old one,” I’m pretty sure) from Germany all wore gray suits and had gray hair. I bet this show, with all the bright colors and wild dancing and horsing around, was the fucking German revolution. I bet Western Germans saw this and went wild in the streets and set shit on fire and did those wacky dances all night. It was probably better than LSD.

It was probably better than J.J. selling acid at a Led Zeppelin show at Madison Square Gardens in the ’70s.3 But it was not better than Peter Hoeren, with his gray hair, looking like an ancient old man, standing to the side of the stage of the Lintfabriek (RIP) in Kontich, Belgium, the first time True Blue played my country. Because that was the fucking German revolution. These well-dressed men with tattoos and gold rings, playing hardcore that was not metal but not positive. Men who could play their instruments, men who could write songs, men who had “Cro- ” tattooed on one leg and “Mags” on the other. No one knew what was happening, and by the time people caught on, they were done. But I’ll always remember Hoeren, standing on that stage, and thinking how fucking old he looked to be running a youth crew record label. And here I am, one decade later, and my hair is as gray as his was. But I saw the real German revolution, and it’s what I picture when thoughts of Germany enter my mind. Not the war. Not the Spill The Blood distro. Not cheap grocery stores or fat tourists. No Berlin wall, no WDR, no tits in “National Lampoon’s European Vacation.” All that is the past now. There was a day in time when all of Germany’s legacy was eradicated and replaced by one single entity. And that day was Friday, May 13th.

    Footnotes

  1. Sadly, Melissa Theuriau wasn't on either of these channels.
  2. We should note that the Bundesliga, Germany's Federal League, comprised teams from both West and East Germany. This is a good account of things.
  3. This happened.