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What Really Happened to Tom Brady

tom brady car accident boston trumbull island Ludgero Rodrigues

RECKLESS DRIVING, BACK BAY: Two eyewitnesses, one tall, one short but wearing “stage shoes,” reported that someone had forced a dog at gunpoint to drive a Model T into the van of Drew Bledsoe (retired) on Sept. 9. The dog did not understand and drove into the nearest Audi. The Audi’s driver was later confirmed as Tom Brady, ponytail seeker and quarterback of the New England Patriots.

The victim (quarterback) told police that he had been listening to Stern in the car when he heard a loud non-diegetic bark. He looked outside his window but only saw a squat man in stage shoes chatting with a taller man with a leash.

Police said the dog was arrested on sight, despite a previous claim by his owner, Jeff, that he was “a good boy.”

The Patriots said in an official tweet and on their Facebook page on Thursday that Brady “reports that he’s OK.”

The damage to Brady’s car was estimated, by a vagrant, at less than $500. Actual damages were more severe.

tom brady car accident audi Ludgero Rodrigues trumbull island

PETTY THEFT, WOBURN: A 20-year-old man and a 21-year-old woman, both from South Woburn, were caught shoplifting at PETCO on Sept. 9. The man concealed merchandise valued at $40.96 in a shoulder bag, mostly dog food, and the woman hid $22.99 worth of gum in her purse. They both left the store without paying for the items.

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