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Posts Tagged ‘jonathan lee riches’

Dear Jon, Pt. 7

Our pen pal, infamous prisoner Jonathan Lee Riches ©, has written Trumbull once again. This time he wishes to update us on his current and unprecedented situation. With the passage of the USA PATRIOT Act, Americans have seen a steady decline in their civil liberties. And now it appears that another constitutional protection has fallen by the wayside for one individual (download the case here). So without further ado, Mr. Riches, the floor is yours…

Trumbull Jonathan Lee Riches Trumbull Jonathan Lee Riches

Dear Trumbull,

The Bureau of Prisons in conjunction with the Federal Medical Center, Lexington Kentucky, (FMC Lexington) are going through extraordinary means to silence me, punishment through solitary confinement with psychological warfare inflicted on my life.

(Continued)

The full list of Jonathan Lee Riches’ lawsuits, appeals, legal filings

jonathan lee riches lawsuits trumbull island

Everyone loves a good list. Although Brett Barrouquere of the Associated Press reported that Jonathan Lee Riches ©the most litigious man in history, has filed more than 3,800 lawsuits, the AP and many other news outlets have confused the number of PACER case locator entries under Jonathan’s name for actual lawsuits. Not all of these filings are lawsuits, although the majority of them are. Appeals, interventions, and other tricky legal filings are represented by this figure. And now, thanks to our team of data-molesting code monkeys, we are proud to present a dynamic (and accurate) table that will allow the world to admire Jonathan’s work in a way that gives some greater, more factual perspective on how monumental it is.

(Continued)

Dear Jon, Pt. 6

jonathan lee riches v rdap amanda hughes trumbull island

Back with the latest on heroic hacker, wordsmith, and human algorithm, the incarcerated Jonathan Lee Riches ©. He wrote to tell us about the abuses of power, sex, and drugs in the Residential Drug Abuse Program, RDAP, at the Federal Medical Center in Lexington, Kentucky, where he sits in solitary, awaiting his impending transfer to another federal prison to serve the remainder of his 125-month sentence1 for plea bargaining to a charge of wire fraud in 2003. Jonathan, in case you forgot, has filed more lawsuits than anyone else in history, all from behind bars.

Now, it’s really none of our business who’s fucking and/or sucking who at FMC Lexington, but we don’t take alleged abuse in the federal prison system lightly, especially when someone from the Trumbull camp is on the receiving end. Furthermore, we told Jonathan we’d publish anything he sent us. He has spent the last four or so years pushing the boundaries of the dry, prosaic legalese commonly found in lawsuits in order to fully articulate the injustice that has befallen him and his various co-plaintiffs, drawing from pop culture, sports, hip-hop and the news in general. So it comes as no surprise that Jonathan has written a poem to supplement his “PSA” in which he calls out members of the RDAP staff by name in rhyming couplets. If you ask us, it’s just begging for a beat.

Jonathan would like to urge his fans and concerned parties to get in touch about how to help his cause. You can do this by contacting him personally at the address found below, or by emailing us at Trumbullmag@gmail.com.

The poem:

THE RDAP STAFF, I LAUGH AT
They are crap

Dr. Kristen Hungness
Listen
You don’t run this
I run this shit
Dr. Hungness, I sued her
She looks like, Freddy Krueger

(Continued)

    Footnotes

  1. A sentence he has vehemently challenged since 2003 based on the precedent set in the Booker/Fanfan decisions.

Jonathan Lee Riches v. Lady GaGa, Octomom

jonathan lee riches v lady gaga octomom trumbull island stefani germanotta

Trumbull Island has discovered that one of the hottest jams of 2008-2009, Lady GaGa’s “Poker Face,” has quite an interesting story in its provenance. It seems that our friend Jonathan Lee Riches © had a hand in the penning of this number one hit. In a lawsuit dated March 29, 2010, Jonathan unfurls an account of how GaGa, “star struck” upon recognizing Jonathan at the MGM Grand in July 2002, took action against him after giving her the idea for her second big single:

Stefani Germanotta sat next to me and asked “Excuse me, are those Bugle Boy jeans your [sic] wearing.” …I said “Look lady, can’t you see I got a poker face, I’m trying to concentrate.” She then said “Poker face, I’m going to use that in a song of mine one day.”

Continue reading for the entire text of the suit, as well as the original PDF.
(Continued)

Dear Jon, Pt. 5

Jonathan Lee Riches has been furiously writing us for the last two months. We have a stockpile of his letters and lawsuits that will be posted here soon. For now, check out his latest note.

free jonathan lee riches trumbull island

6-15-10
Trumbull,

This is Jonathan Lee Riches ©, my ramblings to you are under duress. I’m being experimented on with psychological warfare. I’m writing from solitary confinement, it’s called the special housing unit, SHU at the Federal Medical Center in Lexington Kentucky, FMC Lexington.

(Continued)

Jonathan Lee Riches v. Deepwater Horizon Rig

jonathan lee riches v deepwater horizon rig

It’s about time Trumbull weighed in on this BP mess in the Gulf of Mexico. However, our oil interests have called our objectivity into question. So, we’re going to pass the mic to our friend Jonathan Lee Riches. He recently sued the Deepwater Horizon Rig and some of its associates. Justia.com has been stingy with Riches’ case documents lately, but one of our inside men got us a copy of this legal masterpiece. What follows are Jonathan’s own handwritten words, edited (lightly) for spelling and grammar.

IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT
DISTRICT OF COLORADO

Case No: 1:2010cv01123

Jonathan Lee Riches d/b/a
Bernard L. Madoff a/k/a
Umar Farouk ABdulmutallab
,
Plaintiff
v.
Deepwater Horizon Rig a/k/a Transocean Ltd d/b/a BP PLC; HalliBurton Co.; Royal Dutch Shell PLC; Total SA
; American Petroleum Institute; Tony Hayward; Gulf of Mexico; Gulf Islands National Seashore; Lake Pontchartrain; Chandeleur Sound; Mobile Bay; Breton National Wildlife refuge; Plaquemines Parish; Mississippi Delta; Gulfport Mississippi Police Department; Bon Secour National Wildlife refuge;
Defendants

[Preliminary Injunction, Temporary Restraining Order, TRO 28 USC 1331]

Comes now, Jonathan Lee Riches, d/b/a Bernard L. Madoff a/k/a Umar Farouk AbdulmutallaB. I face imminent danger and Bodily harm from the defendants collectively. My health is in serious Jeopardy because the oil is seeping through the ground and will hurt me causing me more medical problems than I can handle. The Deepwater Horizon Rig is a Environmental hazzard that’s involved with a major conspiracy with the Democrats to create a disaster so that Congress can justify a Ban on offshore drilling. Florida Sen. Ben Nelson [actually, Nebraska (D) — ed.] used his campaign money to secretly funnel funds into the accounts of the workers who died on the rig, in return they would die for the cause as martyrs, by blowing up the Deepwater Horizon Rig on purpose, so Nelson and other democrats can put on their Legacy to get Congress to stop drilling offshore.

This effects me personally. I will explain why. I’m in prison for computer hacking, phishing, spamming, identity theft. I’m illegally incarcerated as I was sentenced to over a decade in prison for being the mastermind of a international identity theft ring, cabal of cybercrooks where I sent the Melissa virus into 128 million PCs, and created botnets, spyware, and a Trojan horse to go steal Americans personal information, which I used to finance corporations and create a Ponzi scheme with my step-father Bernard Madoff, we financed GoDaddy.com with stolen money, I bought an ice cream truck in Phoenix, I renovated the Studio 54 nightclub and bought 43 acres of land and 3 cabins at Valley Forge Park, and now that I’m in prison at the Federal Medical Center in Lexington, Ky., getting medical treatment for my thigh cancer, I’m HIV positive, I have Hep-C, I have 1 leg, my right eye was poked out in a prison gang yard fight with Unabomber Kazinski (sic) and shoe bomber Reid at the ADX in Florence, Colo., where I spent 3 years in solitary confinement for filing 5,000 lawsuits and I’m not mentally stable now. The only thing I eat is on the prison commissary bluefin tuna, which comes from the Gulf of Mexico. The tuna I eat was caught 150 yards from where the Deepwater Horizon Rig exploded, and on 4-30-10 I opened up my tuna packet and ate a bunch of crude oil mixed in tuna oil which caused me to vomit, this is the defendants’ fault. All my 625 tuna packs that I bought are tainted with oil and in one of my tuna packs on 5-1-10, I found a burnt 1/2 identification badge from a unknown worker on the defendants’ rig that exploded. I want full congressional investigations because BP PLC, HalliBurton Co. stock went down after the disaster, but their executives and senators knew ahead of time to blow the rig up, so they sold their shares and did options knowing their stock would go down, this is manipulation, and a Wall St. scandal.

Also now, expect high prices at the gas pumps, this was done on purpose, so Americans will have to pay more for Memorial Day, this affects me because my mother collects SSI and is on welfare and defendants caused high gas prices, so she can’t afford to drive here to see me from Pennsylvania, my poor mother is 88 years old and she is now walking on the side of the interstate with a cane to come visit me. The Federal Bureau of Prisons is involved with chain gang labor, the defendants are in contract with the prisoners of FMC Lexington, to bring down 125 inmates, including me in a Bluebird Bus, to clean up oil on the Gulf Coast with our bare hands in balls and chains and my wildlife is being affected. My family can’t eat out at Red Lobster on Sat. night anymore out of fear the defendants poisoned their seafood, and the Mississippi River is in danger of overcrowding because illegal wildlife and Aqua life will have nowhere else to go but to swim upriver for safe haven which will cause fish gang turf wars and swordfish identity thieves with Travolta, and I won’t be able to swim in the Gulf of Mexico when I get out of prison because I will meet hostile poranna’s (sic), killer whales, Jaws who will be irritated and these animals know humans made their lives miserable and that’s why killer whales kill instructors at Sea World because oil got in their eyes. I was forced to build the Deepwater Horizon Rig for prison community service with Legos and Toyota parts. Also the defendants were in a conspiracy with North Korean ships, a covert operation. The Illuminati is responsible [for] cursing the New Orleans area again because of the areas Voo-doo practices. I admit on the record that Louis Farrakan paid me $3.5 million dollars to put dynamite on the 9th Ward Levees right after Katrina hit, I have the evidence on my DNA file and I pushed the act on YouTube.

Defendants are in a secret plot with republicans who are in a conspiracy with the democrats, the democrats want a end to offshore drilling, once this ban takes effect, then the republicans wil justify a invasion of Iran to steal their oil, using Iran as a enemy of Israel as a excuse, because gas prices are about to hit $4.00 a gallon and with this government caused recession, Americans will want justice and take it out on the poor Iranians. Also, the government controls the weather and this summer a Cat 5 hurricane is going to hammer the coast, justifying higher prices. I seek restraining orders, a government investigator, and the defendants turned over to the Hague for war crimes. I pray for relief.

Respectfully,
5-1-10
Jonathan Lee Riches

 

Dear Jon, Pt. 4

Jonathan Lee Riches is a federal prisoner nearing the end of a sentence for wire fraud in a medical facility in Kentucky. Along with a nod from Guinness as the world’s most litigious man, he is in possession of what we call a beautiful mind. In his fourth letter to us, Riches begins to open up about his life and quotes Method Man.

Nov 1, 2009

Owen,

Responding back.

Again, sorry this is unorganized. My attention is focused in this Drug Program. I had to write a one page report on why I had expired Honey Buns in my locker from 2006. I tried to explain that I hoard food, because you never know if we will get a nuclear attack and rationing food would be survival. I saw the movie “Empire of the Sun,” and the boy was in search of food in his home.

I remember the Nintendo game Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! If you want the code to get to fight Mike Tyson it’s 007 373 5963. I also remember my ninth grade locker combination: 16-31-6. So if you need something just let me know.

(Continued)

Dear Jon, Pt. 3

Jonathan Lee RichesOur friend Jonathan Lee Riches gets personal about pranks, hacking, and his mania.

10-18-09

Mr. Owen,

Hello, responding back.

I got a lot of thoughts running through the head that I have to produce on paper. I’m writing on top of a Wired Magazine. This pen is made by Bic, and this is Government typing paper.

When I think of your name, two thoughts come to mind. Owen Wilson & Conrad Black. Mr Zazi just got sued, “Riches v. Zazi.” I’ve sued Conrad Black, “Riches v. Black.” I have visions of people watching a Bronx Yankees playoff game (Oct 2012), when a streaker jumps the stands without a shirt, with marker on his back, JonathanLeeRiches.com, running to Derek Jeter to serve him legal papers.

I did have a dog, a 1.5 lb Pomoranian [sic] named Chops. I bought a home, fully paid for in 2001 with stolen credit card & identity theft money in Holiday, Florida, with my [girlfriend] at the time Stefanie [full name withheld]. CNN did a program on me called CNN presents: “How to Rob a Bank,” this can be viewed online, as it shows everything about my story, houses, cars, boats, etc.

Mr. Owen, I love to run. This is equally important to me with the lawsuits. If I miss a day, I go nuts. Let me re-say this, if I miss 1 out of the 3 runs I do daily, 1 hr each shot, (3 runs = 3 hrs) then I go nuts! Call it obsessive compulsive behavior, I call it driven borderline crazy.

(Continued)

    Footnotes

  1. My archives: a stack of ZooBooks, some drawings of some naked chicks, three $2 bills, a few riffs I've collected over the years, and a bunch of birthday cards from my grandmothers.
  2. A couple pieces of trivia on Mr. Wynn: He once paid $1.45M in ransom for his daughter Kevyn. He also married and divorced the same woman twice (most recently divorced this year).
  3. Pause.
  4. Not so much, but I got this.

Dear Jon, Pt. 2

Jonathan Lee Riches checks in with Trumbull again.

jonathan lee riches2-web

Owen,

Responding back. I’m at a medical facility for 2 reasons.

(1) I’m participating in the Bureau of Prisons RDAP drug program, [which] if I complete by next Spring, then I’m eligible to get a year off my sentence. That means by this time next year I will be home.

(2) Before I got here, I was at FCI Williamsburg1 in solitary confinement (SHU2) 24-hour lockdown for 8 months. This was because I was [such] a burden on prison staff because of [my] filing lawsuits, which brought media & people’s attention, calling the prison, etc. It didn’t thwart me, as I continued to file suits while in lockdown, also going on a hunger strike. I lost a lot of weight Owen. Skinny like Mary-Kate Olson [sic]. I’m 5 ft 10 inches, and went to 105 lbs, so they sent me here to get medical treatment/psych treatment.

(Continued)

    Footnotes

  1. Not in the boroughs but in Salters, S.C.
  2. Special Housing Unit
  3. Featured last week.

Dear Jon, Pt. 1

*
hurricane-ike-4

Jonathan Lee Riches is a famous man. But he is on a very short list of men who became famous while imprisoned. At the top, I’d say. Jonathan is currently at a federal medical center in Kentucky, serving the remainder of his 125-month sentence for a charge of wire fraud. Why is he famous? Jonathan claims to have filed over 4,000 lawsuits worldwide. He said this in, of all things, a case against the Guinness Book of World Records, who he sued in response to their intentions of glamorizing and falsely representing his achievements as a record-setting plaintiff.1 I really don’t know how many suits he has filed — Justia.com2 coughs up 1,993. He once sued Bruce Willis for causing the deterioration of his teeth while in prison. I sympathize with anyone who stresses about their teeth. I myself suffer from recurring, abrasive, teeth-destroying nightmares. I’m going to set aside my appreciation for Mr. Willis — it would be challenging to think of names and entities within the collective awareness to which Riches hasn’t devoted an hour or more of carefully phrased handwriting in his cell  — and get to appreciating Jonathan. As an admirer of his…style, I decided to reach out. The following is his response to my first letter:

(Continued)

    Footnotes

  1. Riches told ABC News earlier this year that Guinness' distinction caused him "iminent (sic) danger and bodily harm..." to say nothing of the nicknames he wanted to bar them from using: “The litigator crusader,” “Johnny Sue-nami,” “Sue-per-man,” the “Patrick Ewing of suing,” etc. It remains to be seen if the lawsuit surprised anyone at Guinness, or if the resultant publicity earned someone a raise.
  2. The peerless legal search site. More about it.
  3. A five-season deep reality show on TLC about a couple raising sextuplets and pair of twins (2 x 2). Could not find the full document on this one.
  4. Among the defendants named: Childwit, Unknown child prostitutes, Peeping Tom
  5. I think we all would have co-signed this one.
  6. Refers to himself "a/k/a Jonathathan Lee Riches, d/b/a Bernard Madoff, Investment Securities LLC."
  7. Prison must be so dark, that even the bright, healing light cast from "Beavis and Butt-Head" reruns cannot penetrate its murk.
  8. Went to Montana District Court?