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Weezer – Raditude



Geffen A&R Guy: So, Rivers, thanks for coming in today.

Rivers: Nice to see you, Jeff. What’s the happs?

Geffen A&R Guy (henceforth, Jeff): Well, we’re just so happy to be moving forward with your new album. Can you really believe it’ll be Weezer’s seventh?

Rivers: Jeff, I was there when I wrote all those songs. Of course I believe it.

Jeff: Ha-ha, that’s not quite what I meant, but…please, tell me, tell me anything. What will Weezer’s seventh be ABOUT? Do you want to try purple? What about a “dog” alb-

Rivers: As a matter of fact, Rainn Wilson suggested a title to me for the new album. It’s going to be called-

Jeff: Rainn Wilson? HE named the new album? Wow! That’s perfect…Let’s get in touch with Greg1 to see if we can get Weezer on the show…that’s brilliant Rivers, really brilliant.

Rivers: Jeff, Rainn is my neighbor. I don’t really watch “The Office,” so I’m not all that interested in-

Jeff: [puts fingers in ears] LA-LA-LA-LA-are you done?-LA-LA-L-

Rivers: [sits up and smashes fist down on Jeff's desk] Shut up Jeff! Let’s get through this!

Jeff: Right, so, for songs…you know that song you did with Jermaine Dupri…”I Can’t Stop Partying, Partying”-

Rivers: “Can’t Stop Partying,” from Alone II. What about it?

Jeff: Yeah! Well, we were thinking that it’d be a great idea if we got Lil Wayne on it!

Rivers: Dwayne, the Pussy Monster? Yeah, he might go for that…I’ll text him.

Jeff: You wanna CC me on that text?

Rivers: Nope. Now, Jeff, let me get this straight. You want to take a song I already released on my solo home recordings album, a compilation, may I remind you, that you’ve been ball blocking me on for 15 years… and turn it into a radio single?2

Jeff: Rivers, let’s cut the crap…nobody bought that shit. [rustling some papers around on his desk] The second volume sold like 5,000 copies the first week, and negative 10,000 the week before that…now, I’m not-

Rivers: Negative, what’s that supposed to mean? How did my record sell negative 10,000 copies before release?

Jeff: It’s an industry term for downloading. But never mind that. You know, maybe if you didn’t post so much material on that Web site of yours, your audience might actually be interested in-

Rivers: Jeff, I’m insulted by what you’re saying to me right now. I never leaked anything the label had dibs on. Usually I’m posting sheet music-

Jeff: Rivers-

Rivers: [stands up] No, Jeff. We’re done here. [walks towards door]

Jeff: I’ll call you in a few days!


  1. Daniels.
  2. This song is awesome.