Fact: My friend Danny and I were stuck on a yacht.
Fact: We had a machine gun with a case of 10,000 bullets.
Fact: We only ate what we killed with the machine gun.
Fact: We only listened to Gucci Mane’s The State vs. Radric Davis.
Note: For the purpose of this review, all “Interlude: Toilet Boy Shawty” tracks will not be reviewed.
Track One: “Classical”
I think we killed and ate three salmon when we listened to this song. I’m not sure if they were salmon. They kind of looked like the fish in this picture. We didn’t kill a lot of fish when we listened to this song because it was early in the morning and we had just woken up. For the majority of this song my friend Danny shot the machine gun in the air. It ruined the setting, but we laughed anyway. The water was very calm in the morning.
Track Two: “Heavy”
This is hunting music. We killed so many fish listening to this song. I think we killed thirty dolphins while this song was playing. I am not sure what dolphins look like. The fish we killed looked like this picture. To be honest, we had to stop listening to this song because we were killing more fish than we could eat.
Track Three: “Stupid Wild (featuring Lil Wayne)”
When we first got on the yacht we thought this was going to be the track we killed the most first to, but when it came on we were coming off the high of killing thirty fish while listening to the “Heavy” track. One cool thing did happen while we listened to this song. When Lil Wayne said, “Like a fish with no water,†we picked a fish off the deck and threw it in the air and then when Lil Wayne said, “Come on, you can fight my guns,” Danny shot the machine gun in the air. We only ended up killing one fish while listening to this song. It looked like this.
Track Four: “All About the Money (featuring Rick Ross)”
This song was pretty forgettable. I don’t think we killed any fish while listening to this song. Maybe we shot some minnows. One funny thing that did happen while we listened to this song was our ship captain, Pinstripe Tom, jumped in the water and we never saw him again. I still don’t know what happened to Pinstripe Tom. Actually, I think he jumped in the water while we sleeping. We took an afternoon nap. He left a note and told us how to get home. RIP Pinstripe Tom. I drew a picture of him.
Track Five: “Lemonade”
We ate lunch while listening to this song. While we were eating, a giant fish tried to jump over the boat, but it didn’t make it, so we shot it and ate it. It looked like a clam. I think it was a mollusk fish.
Track Six: “Bingo (featuring Soulja Boy and Waka Flocka)”
This was our favorite track to listen to while we shot fish. We didn’t kill that many fish, but we shot a whale and then we played the track again 100 times and while we listened to the song we took turns dancing with the whale head. My friend Danny ended up putting the whale on his own head and shot the machine gun in the air. I think it was around this time — while Danny was wearing the whale head — that Pinstripe Tom got shot and we had to throw him overboard.
Track Seven: “Spotlight (featuring Usher)”
When this song came on I got in a fight with Danny. I kept saying, “Usher would look stupid if he were a fish.†Danny kept saying, “Usher is a beautiful.†I tried to argue my point by saying, “All fish look stupid,†but Danny wasn’t having it. I decided not to show Danny the picture of the Usher fish I drew. Danny probably would have shot me in the face with the machine gun.
Track Eight: “I Think I’m in Love (featuring Jason Caesar)”
Before Pinstripe Tom jumped off the boat he called Danny a *** for dancing to this song when it came on.
Track Nine: “Bad Bad Bad (featuring Keyshia Cole)”
Danny shot a clam. Then he named it Keyshia Cole and started crying and said, “I didn’t mean to shoot a clam.†The clam sunk and I told him not to worry about it.
Track 10: “Sex in Crazy Places (featuring Nicki Minaj, Bobby V, and Trina)”
Around dinner time we got sick of eating fish so Danny decided to swim down to the bottom of the ocean and shoot some lobsters. I got excited about eating lobster, but unfortunately Danny couldn’t shoot any lobsters underwater because the machine gun didn’t work in water. When Danny resurfaced, “Sex in Crazy Places” came on and Danny threw his machine gun at the stereo. The gun accidentally went off and shot Pinstripe Tom in the kneecap. Even though Pinstripe Tom bled everywhere, he was all right, but after that we didn’t really want to listen to “Sex in Crazy Places” anymore.
Track 11: “The Movie”
I really liked listening to this song, but I was getting tired of the ocean and I think we ran out of bullets. Then we ran into the Mount Everest Fish and died. RIP Danny Boy.
Overall: This album is a 1.5 out of 3. The song “Bingo” is a 4 out of 3.