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12 Big Pictures

These screengrabs from the Big 12 championship game likely speak for themselves, so consider the following closed-captioning for our hearing impaired readers.

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Halfway through the Big 12 championship game, Texas is ahead. They ran in a touchdown the first half, but aside from that, Longhorns quarterback Colt McCoy didn’t do so well (he threw three picks in the game and sort of loafed the last play, before time was put back on the clock). I wasn’t impressed with much of the football in the early going and it looked like Bevo, even less so.

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After suffering the indignity of watching yet another three-and-out, a bonafide athlete graces the screen in Dr. Dre. Dre is advertising Dr. Pepper. Did he drink Dr. Pepper the year he disappeared and got jacked? Or Diet? I’d guess you don’t get that cut by drinking calories, but I’m not a doctor. Also, not many people can wear only one shirt for 10 years and look cool doing it outside of the good doctor.

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This shake is a product of Chick-Fil-A. I thought it was from Sonic but was corrected. A while back a Sonic opened outside Boston and early lines reached an hour. There’s one in Hasbrouck Heights, in New Jersey, that doesn’t get opening-week traffic, but does well. Interest — that’s the operative word — in Sonic seems to be at an all-time high. I don’t really have anything to go on besides couched assumptions I picked up scanning Yelp comments, which are numerous and effusive, and read like late ’90s Entertainment Weekly.

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I’ve never been to Austin, or even Texas, so the state capital’s celebrated vibe remains a mystery to me. I know they wear boots there, but what kind is hard to say. For the people who can’t get a ticket out there, you can watch this and be bitter.

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You do know that because of Jordan, NBA legwear went from this to this?

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Though I’m a bigger fan of Jewish Elvis, the real Elvis was cool, and was in fact Jewish. Like any real Jew, he also rocked leather pants.

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Returning to the game, Texas was pinned back and took it out of the end zone, though this pic looks like a safety was in the offing.

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Tre’ Newton looks on after taking it out of the end zone. I’ve been following the evolution of football helmet facemasks for half my life. I used to think the mid-90s pre-cow catcher design was the ultimate, but I’m not so sure that Newton’s helmet isn’t better. It’s not the best, though.

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“Hello, this is Gene Simmons of KISS, America’s Number One Gold Record Award-Winning group. I am pleased to announce the grand opening of Gene Simmons Toyota, located at 1235 Muffler Row in Newbridge, New Jersey. Gene Simmons Toyota is in the midst of its Toyotathon, and our prices are so good we want to shout it out loud. You know, many women call me Doctor Love, but you’ll be calling me Doctor Deals when you come down to Gene Simmons Toyota and test drive the stylish, all-new Black Diamond Solara. Baby wants a rocket ride? Well get ready to call up the fire house because she’ll be hotter than hell when she checks out the biggest truck we’ve ever built, the all-new Tundra double cab. Got great expectations for an affordable midrange car? At Gene Simmons Toyota, we’ve got excellent value and rock-bottom prices on Toyota’s other quality vehicles like Camry, 4runner, Corolla and Tacoma. So come on down to Gene Simmons Toyota, after all … ‘you’ve got, you’ve got, you’ve got nothing to lose.’”

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“‘There were squads of officers in riot gear, helicopters, a tank, and a sniper across the street.’ Witnesses also noted the presence of automatic weapons and the use of tear gas.” – Miriam Axel-Lute on the L.E.S. eviction riot of May 30, 1995, for Shelterforce.

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Well, Texas won. They have not lost a game all season and will be facing Alabama, who also haven’t lost, for the national championship. Three other unbeaten teams, Cincinnati, TCU, and Boise State, won’t get that honor. Some are steaming over this, but it doesn’t bother me that much. The NCAA does worse things to its athletes than keeping them from playing for a title. I’d sure like to see Dan Wetzel’s idea implemented, though.