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Remind Them

Hey everyone. This thing on? So, we were all over the place this week. Washington. Haiti. Beijing. Gov. Paterson‘s mansion. We took photos in the utility closet, which we called the “Hurt Locker.” Trust us, it’s funny. Not the closet itself, that place is the opposite of funny. It’s dark. Real dark.…

We dropped by Mike’s Apartment. He’s not in porno anymore, but he throws a hell of a party. Grillo’s Pickles made a cameo. Neysa Malone, the NYC street-famous singer called us with some news: “I got this new song ‘Walking Zombies.’ It’s about us against the zombies meaning everybody who is brainwashed by the media. In the video, we, the street fighters, take over. It should be out very soon!” Neysa’s been on her grind lately, and we’ll sure be keeping our eye on her this year.

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Chances are you will Laugh Tomorrow

Sometimes it takes fewer words to say what needs to be said. I could spend an hour carping on the brilliance of one of my favorite shows, “Beavis and Butthead.” Some swear by “The Simpsons,” others, “Seinfeld.” Just as with music, I gravitate to Mike Judge’s product over others.

The titular characters are the crown jewel of the show — indeed, of any show on television. It is hard to believe that employees wrote their dialog for nothing more than money, that the two teens did not arrive fully formed. Same goes for Suicidal Tendencies. When the world was created, so too were they, only they bloomed later, around the ’80s. The best band from California, the second-best two-era band (after the Cro-Mags), the baddest dudes to wear Vans. It’s not whether this video is the best of all worlds or isn’t. It’s the truth, and “it speaks for itself.”

Now, Benny…

Benny, have a seat. No you may not. Keep it on. Benny, why did you disturb those men today? Which men? You know who we’re talking about, Benny.1 That’s right, Messrs. Carter and Combs, very good.

Now, Benny, we’ve talked about this — about the character. But certain men deserve respect, even from a character, don’t you think? Benny! You put that mask back on! I don’t wanna see your face right now, I am not in the mood!

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    Footnotes

  1. Benny used to be played by Barry Anderson. With such similar names, mascot and maskee lost any individual distinction in the Bulls organization even before the events of July 2, 2006.

Happy Presidents Day

As in American presidents. Israeli presidents don’t do much. Well, most don’t do much. Canadians have governor generals, who do even less. That said, I will be celebrating in proxy by watching Adrienne Clarkson Presents.

Regulation Hockey Link

Pitchers and catchers report in less than a week, which means that soon enough, we’ll be in the throes of the wonderful slow ticking that is a baseball season. I can’t wait. No discredit to my Canadian roots, but PFPs far outweigh skeleton and bobsled. Winter’s over for me. That said, the best hockey of the decade — non-Ottawa Senators division — begins in earnest on Tuesday. The olympic game is faster paced, with no TV timeouts, and flows better, or at least more, than its NHL counterpart. It’s like the Phoenix Suns of ice hockey, and is enough to sway some from the Don Cherry view of post-up, old-time hockey.

There’s plenty of room for the grand old game, and I’m a bit disappointed that a real hockey powerhouse, one with legit star power, was left off the docket.

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From the Archives: Raybeez and Cat

This snapshot comes from Clayton Patterson’s “Captured” (2009).
Watch it.
Buy it.

Why am I Mr. Link?

Our good friend Josh Feola, from Seravia, helps out with some heavy lifting as we try and get ourselves incorporated.

Science marches on to increasingly meta and postmodern frontiers. This week a few lazy chemists created self-stirring liquids. Meanwhile, a Japanese physicist with a higher ambition to laziness set the ball rolling on the one thing besides flying cars that we all thought would have arrived by this millennium: teleportation. Actually, his achievement (which if I understand correctly is basically just an idea I’ve also heard explained by the wisdom cube) is more philosophy than physics. Basically, you have these theoretical particles floating around the universe, that you measure somehow, and then “the measurement on the first particle injects quantum energy into the system …. [and] by carefully choosing the measurement to do on the second particle, it is possible to extract the original energy.” Dude. If we continue at this rate we may soon surpass plants in quantum efficiency.

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Sorry Ma, Forgot to let the Link Out

Hey, 48 hour party people (because we all strive to go harder, don’t we?), here’s what went down this week on the Web:

Famous People Category: Fever Ray won an award and gave maybe the best acceptance speech ever, “grotesque fancy”, post-next lev, etc. DJ Drama once taunted: “WE GOIN’ AVATAR ON THESE BITCHES……BIGGEST MOVIE EVER!” What he said came true. Pitcher Bill “The Spaceman” Lee, one of Major League Baseball’s freest spirits, weighed in on Andre Dawson’s controversial HOF selection and supplies us with the best quote of the month: “I was really the only commie on the team. They’re all entrepreneurs, capitalists now.”

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As ‘Real as it Got


Andre Dawson, but no other player, was elected to the Hall of Fame in January, and it was announced today he’d go in as an Expo. I was disappointed Roberto Alomar, the overarching athlete of my youth, was not elected, but Dawson’s election and the franchise’s attendant publicity has been pleasant. The week of the election, Tyler Kepner of The New York Times wrote an excellent article about the Expos, a great but difficult read. It has been difficult to look back on the Expos. Dawson stated today he didn’t want to be remembered as one. Indeed, almost everything that went wrong did:

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    Footnotes

  1. In 1981, Tim Raines was on pace to steal 117 bases. But it was a strike season, so he didn't break any marks. Tim Raines, of course, was the best lead-off man in his league. But the best lead-off man in the other league, Rickey Henderson would break the single-season stolen base record a year later, and might have been the best baseball player ever.

Link of all Links

How’s everyone doing? Hope you didn’t terribly mind the absence, we were just preparing for the new (now released) Cam’ron mixtape. You know, re-painting the house, installing new wainscoting, ordering new ponytails, stuff like that. I treated it like we were having guests over. But we are back, in earnest, and next week will bring (moderately) full content. So let’s get to the best of the rest of the ‘net.

The greatest tweet ever? A: Yes.

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Best of the Year; Best of the Decade

These appear to be the final year-end lists, but for some stragglers. I’d like to give a gracious thank you to the writers here who submitted their lists early or on time. We didn’t forget about you, you’re just anchoring the joint. I hope everyone enjoyed reading and got turned on to new (old) bands, records, sporting events, snacks, what have you. Of course, if something on these lists does not come with a hyperlink, google the boy. It can’t hurt. Thanks again, everyone. Happy new year!
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Best of the Year; Best of the Decade

Yet more lists. Deep thanks to everyone who contributed. Hope everyone has been into them so far! They are winding down.
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    Footnotes

  1. Because LiLoh was a passable actress at one point.
  2. So I’ve been told.
  3. The 1-25-03 series, fortunately, was not one of those in question.
  4. The Citgo Sign and Fenway Park Arc lights, respectively.
  5. You mad at me? I think I know why.
  6. As the old adage goes, "one to rock, one to stock."
  7. FC, Delta Force, Angus, P-Rod I, II, & III, Classic, the Trainer, ad nauseam.
  8. It was winter, pre-tech jacket, HalfTime Pizza Fleet Center shelling spot, $30 bucks a night days. I hadn’t known true hustle at this point.
  9. "Hienekens."

Best of the Year; Best of the Decade

Here are more lists. And more are on the way! I just saw the Cro-Mags and they were great. Happy New Year!

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    Footnotes

  1. Worldwide gross in millions.
  2. Gil has the tight Mark Hurst edge, and Jack had a tight ponytail for a while.
  3. Seen here.

Best of the Year; Best of the Decade

And we are back with more best of the year whatsis. The below lists are submitted by people we are proud to call our friends. It is them we call crew. Enjoy!

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    Footnotes

  1. Rob sez: "LOL @ myself: I made this post just about five years ago, totally forgot until just now googling him."
  2. Mysterious Guy(s) Hardcore
  3. But not landing on the quad at our high school for Fall Festival because they are "not zoned for helicopter landings."

Twas the night before Christmas, Philly Style

This season means different things to different people. For me, a Canadian transplant living in New York, I mostly just miss Boxing Day. Today is Christmas, which I don’t celebrate, though I do celebrate its arrival and the opportunity to listen to my favorite holiday poem, “Twas the Night Before Christmas, Philly Style,” by Henry Livingston Jr. and Roy Ziegler.

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