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November, 2009

Every Friday Yeah

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Our friend Mark ran his comb through the Internet this week.

When you search “fat guy shooting a gun” on YouTube, this is what you get: A fat guy shooting a gun. Now when I see a fat guy on the street I wonder if he’s the one who shot the gun.

There’s a place in Antarctica. It’s the toughest location to get to in the world. I’m not sure if it exists. A statue of Lenin is there.

Remember that guy Ernest Hemingway? He was pretty cool (warning, its a PDF, still worth the read); “Everybody my age had written a novel and I was still having a difficult time writing a paragraph.”

This is a very calm scene.

Dogs falling out of sinks isn’t that funny, unless it’s a Pomeranian and the owner posts a question on Yahoo Answers.

I like this idea, more than the actual explanation in the article, still cool, my skin is full of ears, kind of…

Looks like we might actually have to start doing “real” research. Nagh…

Why do the tigers look so angry underwater?

And who invited these freaks to the party?

Gobble and Gallop

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Happy Thanksgiving from Trumbull. Watch some football, eat some food (hurt yourself doing so), and to the best man goes the elusive Galloping Gobbler award,1 a true work of art.

    Footnotes

  1. Pictured is the old ('02-'06) model. The new one.

Beb on the Street Pt. 2: At Central Park Summer Stage

beb_SS1

What is your name?

What?

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

Eunice.

Nice headphones. Is pink your favorite color?

No.

What’s your favorite color?

Light pink.

Do you like Dinosaur Jr.?

They are loud!

They’re not very loud today…

What?

I said…Hey, where’s your mommy?

My mommy is at home. She let me use her MetroCard.

You’re here alone?

We’re having pizza tonight.

I love pizza!

You can’t come.

Why not?

Because you’re a stranger.

(Continued)

Follow Die Lederhosen

Ah, the Bundesliga fashion of West Germany. I remember growing up in Belgium, and besides the one Belgian TV channel, the BRT, you got BBC (England), RaiUno (Italy), WDR (West Germany), FR1 and FR21 (France), and some other ones you couldn’t understand. It wasn’t until the early ’90s that Belgium got another TV channel, and it was another few years before we got channels like MTV. The WDR was by far the worst channel. I hated it. Not only are Belgians raised to hate Germans, since your grandfathers fought and died in the war against them, but the WDR was the most boring and conservative channel in Europe. On Italian and Spanish channels you could see a lot of cleavage and funny gags, the French at least had Louis De Funes movies (that guy rules – look him up). But ze Germans, all they had was talk shows, the news, and old-man-detective shows like “Matlock,” except not awesome. They had tons of them. “Derrick,” “Der Alte,” all that shit. I haven’t watched these shows in two decades and I still remember them perfectly. Fucking WDR.

(Continued)

    Footnotes

  1. Sadly, Melissa Theuriau wasn't on either of these channels.
  2. We should note that the Bundesliga, Germany's Federal League, comprised teams from both West and East Germany. This is a good account of things.
  3. This happened.

Lil Wayne – No Ceilings

2.5-stars

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Patrick Jodoin of Flight Distance breaks down Lil Wayne’s newest mixtape by the track.

Roughly a year and a half after releasing his behemoth, Tha Carter 3, Lil Wayne offers another release to appease the folks awaiting his next studio album. No Ceilings, the mixtape, features Weezy F. Baby’s signature non-stop barrage of lyrics laced across a seemingly arbitrary selection of beats. Considering that Wayne’s popularity is clearly across-the-board, perhaps he is trying to please everyone here, or perhaps he doesn’t give a shit: People will check it regardless. This is a collection of dubs, and there are no original productions. Rap fans who heard that he’d be spitting on the classic posse cut, “Banned From TV,” from Noreaga’s debut solo joint might have been hopeful that No Ceilings would feature more 90’s instrumentals. Don’t get your hopes up, this is an isolated incident.

Given the variety of track selections, which comprises current pop hits (Black Eyed Peas’ “I Gotta Feeling”) to recent hip-hop favorites (Jay-Z’s “D.O.A.”) to R&B productions (Mario’s “Break-Up”), it’s Wayne who is the uniting factor. He snarls his way through these soundscapes and makes everything gel, songs that would otherwise have little continuity from one to the next. Maybe that of an FM radio playlist. The mixtape’s highlight takes place on the second song, “Ice Cream,” where Wayne’s patterns and rhythm are off the hook. When the man gets in to a groove, it’s truly dope and unique.

(Continued)

    Footnotes

  1. The BP3 line, "I might send this to the mixtape Weezy," remains, but as with all of the tapes originating from the Young Money camp, No Ceilings truly is a 4 a.m. on the tour bus affair. All guest spots come from those with access to this intimate world.
  2. By 3 Deep.
  3. On his mixtape songs.
  4. (This is one of my favorite songs on the tape, actually. — Ed.)

Gotta Fight the Hard Way

“60 Minutes” ran a story on Sunday about improvised explosive devices (IEDs), or roadside bombs, the deadliest artillery found in Afghanistan, and the elite American squads dedicated to finding and disabling them. The units are known as Task Force Paladin, and their job is so crazy that the only way to join the team is to volunteer. Luckily for them, they ride in some of the most badass vehicles on the planet, designed to sustain blasts somewhere in the range between that of a plasma grenade and an Age Of Quarrel mushroom cloud. Force Protection, Inc out of South Carolina, “has become the nation’s leading center for blast protection technology and research to counter improvised explosive devices.” As a tribute to our troops, the dangerous work they do, and the awe-inspiring design of the vehicles they depend on, we present to you a look at Force Protection’s product line.

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Everything but the Kitchen Link

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It’s the freaking weekend, and our Bronx server, which went down, is back up, and we are coming hard with some sweet sweet content. The links which are in blue are culled by illustrious and industrious contributor Josh Feola, and per his tastes they carry a decidedly uptown bent. So, like we were saying: It’s the freaking weekend, let me give you some Links?

Pop-cognitive neuroscientist Steven Pinker fired an opening salvo at noted post-hoc sophist and seductor Malcolm Gladwell a few weeks ago in the New York Times Sunday Book Review. A bush-league flame war ensued this week when Gladwell roped Columbia Journalism Review and Niners Nation into the same sentence, then fizzled when he tried to pen some revisionist history about igons or something.

The President of the United States visited my current city of residence (Beijing). It was boring. The American Ambassador to China referred to people who study China as “mor[t]ons.”1

Kevin Garnett sunk a shot from the top of the Washington Wizards’ key. It didn’t count but he is cool.

Andy Warhol’s painting of two hundred dollars sold for $43.8M. There is nothing witty or insightful to say about this.

Some Nazis got teabagged in Arizona the other day. Meanwhile, in Tennessee, scientists dusted off their collective mantle — heretofore the exclusive domain of buckyballs and nanotubes — and welcomed graphene to the molecular Hall of Fame. Graphene, the “thinnest material possible,” is also “10 times stronger than steel” and “conducts electricity better than any other known material at room temperature.” Expect androids.

Trumbull’s science division is also excited to link to a WIRED story about new hope for cripped-up mice, and by extension, man, in the form of algae and light.

The subdued hype train for the new Herzog-Cage collaboration “Bad Lieutenant” has begun. I will be in the United States for one week this December and I am putting this at the top of my priority list. Please do the same so that we might see some healthy box office numbers that might help Cage’s chance to keep his treasured dinosaur skull off the auction block.

Levi’s Vintage Clothing, the Levi’s wing that reproduces old models of their jeans, lost its American distribution earlier this year, a turn of events that doubtlessly troubled people unfamiliar with proxiesmore consistent stateside presence. Only RRL product shots are harder to find than LVC, but some from spring have surfaced. I can’t mess with jean jackets — ”I’m not Satan” — but those pants look good. Hard to say if that color is what you see in person, but since you can now buy LVC joints at J. Crew, I assume you can check the spring stock for yourself in person, if you’re an American. As always, I recommend the Junk Hustle over retail, but what do I know?

This is necessary reading for anyone who spends their hard-earned money (or well-guarded time) on baseball entertainment. Or if you’re from the Rust Belt.

Buddy, can you E-mail me 100 bucks?

(Continued)

    Footnotes

  1. Here is some footage of mortons, also known as mortains, which are either cartoon hardcore music archetypes, or simply well-executed young edgeman. Photos taken from the fine Double Cross Web Zine.
  2. The greater.
  3. No relation to Jose or Hector.

Young Buck

Jennings, with a great haircut, as a McDonald's All American

Jennings, with a great haircut, as a McDonald's All American

There are lies, damn lies, and statistics, say many. But empirical evaluation and advanced metrics are popular now, and many well-heeled sports fans might object to that sentiment: Statistics, they might say, best show what an athlete did in competition. They help explain the zero-sum game better than the won-loss record. When a player scores, he wins. Someone got beat, and the scorer made them pay, and it remains in the stat line. But stats do not depict the whole story, and too big a reliance on numbers can lead to a misevaluation, which is what happened with Brandon Jennings.

Don’t pay for past performance, say many in baseball. Don’t gladly pay (with cheap prospects) today for a (pricy) home run hitter tomorrow. Don’t look for a slugger in free agency, either, since he will cost a draft pick — a young player under club control. Don’t pay too much for a 30-year-old whose best days, and stats, are likely behind him; don’t pay good money for what happened in the past. But in the case of Jennings, a heralded Compton point guard whose bad grades sent him to Italy to play pro basketball, teams paid for past performance when they didn’t sign him.

Jennings is leading his rookie class in scoring and PER, and on Saturday he set a Milwaukee Bucks franchise record with 55 points. He’s the youngest player in NBA history to score 50 points, beating LeBron. The teams which passed on Jennings in this year’s draft, nine in all, are reeling. Points are an overrated stat1 — not everyone can get enough looks to score, and some who put up big numbers are inefficient — but scoring 50 is special, and Jennings has been holding his own with the class even before his big night.

(Continued)

    Footnotes

  1. Simply put, teams overpay for scorers, even if they are defensive liabilities or can't rebound. Points is like batting average, it doesn't explain everything.
  2. One team took him off its board after scouts waited on him to show for a pre-draft workout.
  3. "NBA's Akon," 26 seconds in.
  4. And this was in a year when some fine NBA players returned to Europe.
  5. As one analyst predicted.

Nick of Tim: Stick to Your Guns

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LYNX

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You wake up on Friday and you wonder, WTF happened this week. We’re here to tell you. We weren’t really paying attention either, but the data that really matters is the data that finds you.

Last Laughs: Sotheby’s sold some of Lord Byron’s unreleased freestyles for $455,000. He comes at Williams Wordsworth (“Turdsworth”) and the Portuguese in terms unfit to reprint here.

Hot Trax: Lady Gaga dropped the video for “Bad Romance.” Gucci Mane violated probation somehow and was promptly handed a 12-month bid. The Real Cam’ron announced his new single. BANE’s new 7″ is spinning on Brian Murphy’s turntable. Nicki Minaj has been hot all over a bunch of tracks, but if you want to understand anything she’s talking about, the Nictionary might help. Standout entry:

Barbie Juice : \bär-bē-jüs\ : noun

1: ice cold pickle juice in a glass that barbies drink to experience a sudden blast of EUPHORIA.

Does Nicki know about Grillo’s Pickles?

Plus/Minus: Either hyper-update or erase yourself completely, no more of this not answering emails crap, says Wally.

The Sporting Life:1 Tom Tango is pretty dry, while Stan Van Gundy is pretty relax. I’m pretty relaxed about Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy, but Charles P. Pierce, noted Masshole, and Slate contributor, administers the hottest ethering I’ve seen since I saw this last night.  Oh, and Google? I C What U Did There.

Until next week …

    Footnotes

  1. Shootout to Diamanda.